I've heard a lot of women ask in bewilderment, "How is it that guys can possibly miss the toilet?"

Well, the answer to the question that they're really asking, "Why is there piss all over the toilet?" is that we're just that damn lazy. I mean, who wants to deal with urine once it's out of your body?

The answer to why we can't always get inside the toilet is a simple one. The dual stream. Contrary to what you may believe, the penis is not a foolproof urine delivery system. Some guys don't have this problem, but most do. How, the uninitiated may ask, does one accomplish a dual stream? Well, for starters, your navel is not the only place that a person can get lint buildup. If there's some sort of foreign body blocking the way, it's like putting your thumb over the opening of the garden hose. You get a wide-area spray rather than a focused single stream.

Sometimes, the opening of the urethra will stick for one reason or another, and you can have two, three, or even four distinct streams. Four is the maximum I've ever experienced, and thank God that was at a urinal.

So, next time you ladies find a puddle of pee on the rim of the toilet or on the floor, don't ask how we could be so stupid as to not be able to aim for the hole. Feel free to ask why we're too stupid to clean up our own refuse, though. And hit us with a rolled-up newspaper, because that's just damn kinky! Bad boy!

The most common reason for a stuck closed opening of the urethra is an excess of semen.

How the semen gets there is largrly immaterial, but when it dries inside the tip of the penis it can create an unfortunate study in hydrualics.

This can also cause embrassing liquid stains. No need to elaborate.

The dangers in a public restroom are too awful to mention, but suffice it to say that most men stand very, very close to the urinals.

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