To show that I am not impartial to new technologies, provided they utilize neither the false science of science or the awful mess called "mathematics" (total farce), I would like to talk about a new product on the market that may be of benefit to you. If you are one of the early noders who started with brand website in the 1950s when the Node By Mail system was used, then you are getting on in years.

At some point after the age of 42, a man loses the ability to produce and maintain an erection on his own. Since there is no cure for this other then the hokey jokey nonsense known as "medicine," the only solution is a gas or coal powered motor you can wrap completely around your penis, start up, and hold firmly while you put the erection into some kind of hole or outlet that is welcoming to it at that time. Please do not put it in holes when the hole owner is not willing or desiring of this. You can get in a lot of trouble. Use hand instead. Hand works unless you are handless or broke it somehow.

I remember the first time I used a coal powered erection motor to power myself to orgasm. It fired up okay, but the black smoke from it nearly knocked me out and I am a strong, non-liberal man. At the time I was in the bathroom of a co-worker's home. She had invited me and other people from work to come over for a dinner party and to play some UNO and I got to it by myself in the bathroom. Once I had the motor going, I slid it under my nutsack. This was putting out 350 liters of raw coal power directly against one of the most sensitive areas of the body, and that thing shook like a bastard. Chunks of ballflesh were coming off me like an orange was being pealed, but I got it done. I am serious.

Now, new technology has created the Wind-powered Erection Motor (WEM). This has four wind turbines attached to an electrical 400 volt motor that will keep your erection at full mast for up to six hours. The outlet you are shoving it into will be pleased with you. They can be noisy and cause cancer, but the turbines, which are each between eight and 27 inches tall, are hardly noticable while ringing your genitals. This is environmentally friendly (which wins you favor with the elves) and helps stop climate change and the climate change denier supervan.

This product can be bought by sending $70,000 to Behr Industries, General Delivery, Utica, New York, 13503. We'll get that to you if and when we figure out how to build it and ship it to you. If I ever bother writing the manual, I will photocopy it for you and send it with the motor itself.

God bless.

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