I was talking with my kid via e-mail the other night and she asked me why I haven’t written anything lately here at E2. I think I told her that I was lacking in inspiration and that after ten years of writing maybe the well had run dry. After all, I’m never gonna make a living doing this sort of thing but it was nice to know that I had a following, even if that following was only one person. So, inspired by a few beers, some acoustic Hot Tuna and some notes I wrote down on the back of a bill from my insurance company, here goes nothing.
Sometimes I feel like I am leaving life behind
My hands are moving faster
Than the moving of my mind
Thoughts and generations of my dreams are yet unborn
I hope that I can find them before my moving gets too worn
If only I can live to see the dawning of the dawn.
We don’t get to see each other as often as we used. I guess that should come as no surprise though. I mean, when I was seventeen the last person I wanted to be stranded alone with were my parents. If I recall correctly, any time that I did spend with them was filled with awkward silence as we stared at the tube and I waited until it was time to go to bed. My room, even though it was sparse, felt like an oasis from the vast array of questions I’d get regarding school, friends and girls. I felt much safer behind closed doors.
So we go on living trying to make this image real
Straining every nerve not knowing what we feel
Straining every nerve and making everybody see
What they read in Rolling Stone has really come to be
And trying to avoid the taste of that reality.
I got an e-mail from the ex yesterday. In it she informed me that Anna has been diagnosed with vaso-vagal syncope. Sounds scary doesn’t it? Well, from what I read here and at other assorted places around the web it’s not as bad as it sounds. That doesn’t preclude me from worrying about her and I just hope she doesn’t experience any symptoms when she’s behind the wheel. I don’t think I can deal with another tragedy.
On an early New York morning a mirror in the hall
Showed to me a face I didn't know at all.
Lines were drawn around a pair of eyes that opened wide
When I looked into them I felt nothing left inside.
So I walked into a little room that whistled like a sigh.
Next year she’ll be a senior. High school, with all the good and bad times that go with it will be gone and it’s off to college. Can it really have gone by that fast?. At least I’ve become somewhat tech savvy and know how to send a text message but the physical presence has always meant more to me than just words on a screen. Just knowing that what lies in store is just over the horizon and remains a mystery is enough to keep me up late at night.
As dawn's light closed around me my head was still in gear.
Thinking thoughts of playing more
Singing loud and clear
Trying to reach a friend somewhere and make that person smile
Maybe pull myself away from that old lonesome mile
That often comes to haunt me in the morning.
When I first moved from NYC to Columbus, Ohio about nineteen or twenty years ago my friends at the time gave me three months before I’d be back. Right after my divorce a couple of years afterwards I can’t say that I wasn’t tempted. But having already lost one family to the flames of alcohol, drugs and selfishness I just couldn’t face doing it again. Even though Anna will be gone soon enough I don’t think it’ll be enough to drag me away from my so called “second home”.
All my friends keep telling me it would be a shame
To break up such a grand success, tear apart a name.
But all I know is what I feel whenever I'm not playing
Emptiness ain't where it's at, neither's feeling pain.
But, maybe it is time for me to venture outside my little cocoon and close circle of friends. Maybe it’s time to take a few risks and get on with my life. You know, travel, see the world, try new things, meet new people.
But, then again, maybe it’s time to look up some old ones and revisit what we had and did and how they fared in life. I think I’ll try it from a distance and just stick my toe in the water before diving in head first. Sorta like a temperature check and where I’ll go from here.
It’s just nice to know that whatever I decide, the door is open either way.
Well now what is gonna happen now is anybody's guess
If I can't spend my time with love I guess I need a rest.
Time is getting late now and the sun is getting low
My body's getting tired of bearing another's load
And sunshine's waiting for me a little further down the road.
I think these lyrics were originally written when the band the Jefferson Airplane was stuck in the Chelsea Hotel in New York City for a period of time and contemplated about breaking up. During that time they played their gigs, did their drug(s) of choice and retired back to the hotel to get some rest and maybe a little bit of escape. Over the years, many luminaries from pop culture have at one time in their careers called the Chelsea home. In no particular order, here’s partial list.
Arthur C. Clarke
If those people aren’t enough to inspire you, well, I don’t know what is.
This one was for you honey.
Lyrics to Third Week In The Chelsea by Jorma Kaukonen and released on the Jefferson Airplane album by the name of Bark way back in 1971