Having moved around quite a few times in the last few years, I have spent quite a bit of time being lost deep in city centers and rural roads

Over the years, I have developed many theories and definitions regarding being lost for myself. One of my favorites is the "Three Degrees Of Lost" theory, which I hereby present to the Everything community for ratification as a "lostness classification system".

  • Lost in the first degree
    When lost in the first degree, you don't know where you are, but still feel good and are confident you are no more than a few kilometers from something or somewhere that you will recognize. Depending on the situation and/or your blood alcohol level, you may not even fully realize that are in fact lost in the first degree.

  • Lost in the second degree
    By the time you are lost in the second degree, the important thing to tell yourself repeatedly is: don't panic!. At this point, you are sure that continuing on in the same direction is a bad idea, however, you are still confident that you can turn around and retrace your steps back to familiar territory without too much hassle. Any fear you might experience at this point is most certainly actually a fear of reaching the "Third Degree", or what your girlfriend is going to do to you when you arrive home 2 hours late after you told her you were just going to pick up a few cd's from your ex's place (but that's another story, and possibly a "third degree" of an entirely different breed).

  • Lost in the third degree
    Now being lost in the third degree is hardly ever a good place to be at in your life. This degree of "lostness", is reached when you are certain you are completely fucking lost, and there is no fucking way you are going to get to wherever you are going and, oh fuck, you may actually have to ask for directions! If you are male, this is a good time to start thinking about who you are going to blame for giving you such crappy directions, and whether you are going to use your last few bucks to buy a map (and risk running out of petrol) or use it to buy petrol (and run the risk of seeming like a complete moron when you have to ask for directions).

The best idea that I can give anyone regarding being lost is this - Enjoy your lostness, nurture it, feed it and make it your friend! You may find it treating you a whole lot better in the very near future... Being lost is not an ordeal, its an adventure!

If anyone can think of any more degrees of lost (shudder at the thought of a fourth), I'd be very interested in hearing your thoughts

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