Springfield, IL is the capital of Illinois. It has a population of about 100,000, and unless you maturbate every day to Abraham Linoln memorabilia, it is one of the most boring places in the United States. Perhaps I'm biased because I grew up there, but if you ask anyone under the age of 21 what's good to do in Springfield, they'll tell you either "Loiter at Denny's," "loiter at Perkins," or "loiter at somebody's house." Possibly all three. I don't have the actual article, but I read one time in the city's paper, the State Journal-Register, that in a survey of the most populous 300 cities in America, Springfield ranked around 287th as far as available activities for people under 21. Sure, there are a few bars and a pool hall or two, and there's a crappy little water slide that charges way more than its worth.

But hey, Lincoln! If you like Lincoln, or anything that he touched or looked at or vomited on, it's in Springfield! You can see where he's buried, where he lived, trees that he had in his yard, and I think they have some fossilized Lincoln turds around. Lincoln Lincoln, and also Lincoln. And for this, they have a booming tourist industry.

On thing I forgot to mention above is the world-famous thing which nobody knows about, the horseshoe. Mmmm, tasty! You can only find these served in Springfield and the surrounding area for some reason. Ask for a horseshoe at your favorite restaurant today!

Springfield is also home to:

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