Hey there friends. You remember me, right? Your old pal Galzeekebull, the fear-eating demon? Today I'd like to talk to you a bit about possession. And by that I mean demonic possession.

You remember what I told you once before about horror movies? Probably not. So to give a quick refresher, I'm a fear-eating demon from the pits of the deepest dark, coasting through the human world dining on delicious moments of human terror, and this sometimes draws me (and others of my kind) to sit in on "scary movies" (hopefully only the good ones), soaking up all that the human watchers are exuding.

And, let's be honest, you can't watch tons and tons of horror flicks, sometimes the same one a dozen or more times, without becoming something of, well, a film critic.

So here's my observation. There are a great number of these that focus on demonic possession, and specifically have a narrative where a demon has possessed some innocent and is making her (9/10 of the time it's a her) spout dirty words and pea soup. A priest of the Roman Catholic Church (or the like, but they love to bring in the robes and rosaries) shows up and they spend ninety minutes or so engaged in a metaphysical wrestling match, before the clergyman, on the strength of his faith, finally manages to wrestle the poor girl's soul from the grip of the demon. Usually at some great cost or self-sacrifice. And, look, even being a demon I don't actually know all that much about the practical aspects of an exorcism from the human point of view (I find exercisms more effective, where you get the possessed person in better physical shape through a solid workout routine, until they can kick out the demon on their own steam). And I must add that I have only rarely possessed a human, and never made one curse and puke, or otherwise let on that I was doing it at all, so I've never been exorcised myself.

But back to the genre. So the priest or preacher or whatever-his-thing clergy fellow is obviously invoking the power of God there. But then, why is it always such a battle? If we're talking about a person acting as the hand of a genuinely omnipotent deity, why isn't it enough to ask, "Hey God, can you do me a quick favor and flush this demon from this little girl for me?" And God goes "zap" and the demon is gone, right? And it's not as if God is thought to be entirely absent from the battle, because there will be moments all along in the film where the God-serving person is able to invoke juuuust enough of that power to suppress or momentarily get the upper hand on the foe, just for the fight to be renewed and carried on for a further time. Now, I'm told that there are historical accounts of real exorcisms following something of the same pattern, the religious institution sends out an expert and there's a lengthy and protracted fight to free the possessed, with the power of God being invoked bit by bit until it prevails to this end, and that makes no more sense in reality than in the movies.

Because what it surely seems like is an evenly pitched fight, and one ultimately ending not with the demon being, you know, killed or destroyed or what-have-you, but simply driven out. As in, "this possession is becoming too much of a hassle to maintain, I'm taking off, see ya." Believe me, the demons I know (the one's who aren't fear-eating demons) would have exactly that attitude. A fear-eater would probably just hang out in the background and dine on all that priest fear while watching with mild amusement as the possessing demon pulls his stunts, and maybe stick around afterwards for a dessert of residual fear (some of the tastiest fear comes out when the danger is gone and now you're just thinking about it). And then wonder why it never occurs to the priest that if they were really working in the service of an all-knowing and all-powerful being, their job wouldn't be quite so hard.


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Special delivery for the Libera te Tutemet ex Inferis: The 2023 Halloween Horrorquest

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