It has long been recognised by real men of impeccable and thorough-going heterosexual character that the invert, embittered by his lack of progeny and the means to beget any, bears nothing save the keenest of jealousy and hatred towards the sexually whole for their enjoyment of those blesséd and inseparable estates of matrimony, parenthood and normality that the invert has perversely elected to deny himself. Homosexuals, though called to celibacy and repentance, yet revel in their perversion, professing pride in their want of maturity, manliness and moral fibre. In their books and films and blogs, they are much given to portraying heterosexuals and Christians as clods and numpties, their purpose being to sow seeds of self-doubt in the righteous, and turn them over to sin, collagen cream and bench-presses. We applaud the masculine vigour of those who expose the sodomites’ wiles. Pastor Steven L Anderson was interviewed by a self-confessed invert, one so lost to shame as to deny to a preacher that he raped children; whereupon Pastor Anderson, girt about with righteousness, called the man liar to his face and expressed hope for the interviewer's imminent demise from brain cancer. Thank God for devout Men of Pastor Anderson’s stripe, unafraid to stand up for hatred and the inviolacy of their Christian man-parts!

Let the righteous man beware: experience teaches that there is no depth to which the invert will not stoop. Earlier this month, the Pink News, a ‘gay’ male organ, published an article extolling a new Mobile Telephone Application archly termed ‘Kroozr’, which it envisaged would render less toilsome the sodomites’ task of propagating their perversion:

'A new iPhone app is threatening to knock Grindr off its perch as the number one app for gay men. Kroozr claims to use smartphone technology to determine whether men in the user’s vicinity are gay and can even filter out undesirables, such as those wearing sandals with socks. According to creator Peter Kelly, the app takes the guesswork out of gaydar, cuts down on valuable ‘sussing out’ time and weeds out weirdos.

'All users need to do is turn on their smartphone and wait for Kroozr to assess nearby men with its inbuilt Kinsey Scale,’ Mr Kelly said. “Kroozr is the new future of gay dating that will turn every trip to M&S, every queue for the cashpoint, every Boris bike trip into a hot party full of your type of guy. Just fill in the details of your ideal man, turn on the app and go about your business. When you get within eyeshot of a hot guy, you can check him out on Kroozr.”

This invitation to carnal impropriety reached the desk of Mr. Stephen Green of Christian Voice. ('I came to faith in God through seeing the ducks on a pond in People’s Park, Grimsby.') Mr. Green is a man of righteousness, of late unjustly pilloried for allegedly disciplining his wife and children with a ‘witch’s broom’. (Dare one ask of those who object to this, what should he have used?) From Mr. Green, sodomy encounters deservéd check:

You really couldn’t make it up … Everything about the depravity, the sadness, the lack of normality, even of humanity, the promiscuity driven by the pathology of homosexuality is distilled into this story.

But now the Uranians have revealed that they had indeed 'made it up', and that the article in Pink News was published on the 1st of April, when it is traditional for those rendered gullible by their self-righteousness to be entertainingly duped by people with a sense of humour – and it is a fact that no spectacle moves the inverts to mirth more than that of a member of God’s elect skidding on the embrowned KY jelly of their ‘wit’. Yet Mr. Green arose, wiped off the skid-marks, adjusted his attire and maintained his dignity as best he could:

Although I was initially taken in by Pink News's April Fool, that is only because it made so much sense to anyone with a tiny bit of knowledge of the 'gay scene' and of recent technological advances.

Let us pray.

Heavenly Father, guide Thy servants, that they make not tits of themselves exceedingly before the unrighteous, at least no more than usual. Sufficient unto the day be the prudery and conceit thereof, without gratuitous occasion for more, for Christ’s sake.



For those who are missing the point, I'm joking, OK?

First published here

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