...well, very few people do, at any rate.

This is actually my curse, but it's a secret; if you stumbled on this node you got brutally, nastily lucky.

I always wanted to be a thinker, not an iconoclast; a bringer of higher understanding, not a destroyer of beliefs. But sadly, I've found that you don't get to choose your labels--you do what you do, you say what you say, and sooner or later *wham!*. You're a bitch. A firestarter. A mental patient. An iconoclast.

Now the beautiful part is, a label is not something you can hang your hat on, which is good, because it keeps the label from getting more real than you. Er...I've seen that happen, actually, but only with very weak people. That's not me, or you. I'm just a struggling writer; you're just an E2 resident reading some of my more minor strugglings. See how that all works out?

Back on E1, I was a little...um...more liked, than I am on E2. I would swear I didn't change a thing, but how would I know, since I would have changed if I did? The point is, my huge reps, my lovely nodes of mass popularity, have been for the last several months in the process of polarizing: Becoming nodes of vastly negative appreciation. Cess-pits for neophobic hatred. I look at them and I go a bit green: I never wanted to node cess-pits. And when I go back and look at them, most of the time I still like them; most of the time they look even better, more polished and in-depth than the buds of philosophy I used to strew in E1.

My theory is that I've stepped neck-deep in the pile of poo that is the Iconoclastic Reputation. Too many of my nodes, I think, did more to challenge noders' current beliefs rather than simply suggest new ones. This was not my intention, but it's been pointed out to me before that I have a peculiar skill for accumulating vastly conflicting information and somehow remaining relatively at peace. See, I can understand and sympathize with the principles of Satanism and Catholicism in the same breath, and I'm not either one. Agreeing with one or both does nothing, really, to where I stand, except perhaps to sometimes give me a better definition of it.

Neil Gaiman, who is the shit, at least to us struggling writers, pointed out in The Sandman series (all of which I own) that there is no such thing as a one-sided coin. The anthropomorphic projections he creates of Desire and Dream, by their very existence, DEFINE the boundaries across which lie--you guessed it--Hatred, and Reality. This flipside phenomenon is everywhere, but when you're dealing with particulars and not archetypes, it gets confusing. I'll posit, though, that maybe I'm a victim of it--or perhaps a tool of it. My only desire when I write my cess-pool nodes (which used to be my Stellar Nodes, remember), is to plant seeds for new beliefs, to open doors into new sections of the Void for people's minds to wander in. As a direct result, people get reeeeeealy pissed at me for throwing seeds on their carpet, and cutting holes in their walls.

Don't worry; you know me. As long as I can think about it, I don't mind living with it. Who knows what I'll be in E3?

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.