My brother
killed himself last night..
He wasn't a very nice person.
He used to ring my mum up at midnight and abuse her.
He was impossible to have a conversation with without making him burst into temper and leave angry.
The night my husband left me he deliberately got me pissed out of my head and took sex from my body.
But...
When he was a kid, he was nice
I loved him then. Perhaps I still do.
I had to go into the city, to the coroner's office, and identify his body.
He looked... odd.
Red.
He gassed himself in his car.
Bought a bottle of bourbon and a hose at 6.30, and was dead by 7.
Carbon Monoxide poisoning makes your skin all red.
So he was a funny colour.
And he hadn't shaved... Or maybe his whiskers kept growing after he was dead.
And there was a little scar under his chin I never saw before.
And he was so dead
He looked like he was made from plasticine or something.
Or clay.
Not real.
Not like a person.
So now I'm an only child.
It's strange
My brother is dead.