This is a dream I had last night, retold in first person for dramatic effect. I wasn't actually in the dream, rather, it was almost as though I was writing it and watching the events unfold. So, I figured I had better write it or the velociraptors would come after me next. It's not long and short on details, but remember, this was a dream. I don't normally remember dreams at all, and when I do, the details are a little fuzzy. Names have been changed since there were none in the dream.

There are four of us left in the city. We know we are hunted, but we press on. I don't know how widespread the attack was; for all I know, we could be the last humans alive on Earth. Sally hasn't been taking it well, potentially being the last woman in the world stuck with us three nerds. Especially Ric. There's something wrong with that kid. He's been chanting nonsensically since we found him, whenever he thinks we can't hear.

We're walking down one of many deserted streets with no particular destination in mind. Greg glances over his shoulder and stops dead. "Guys... they're behind us," he says, voice quivering.

I turn and see them. A massive pack of velociraptors. There must be dozens. Hundreds, even. Slowly advancing. As they get closer, I can hear the click click click of that razor sharp toe claw on the pavement.

"Why aren't they attacking?" Sally asks.

"They must know we have nowhere to run," I say. It's true. Even if we tried to run, we'd be overtaken in seconds.

"Run? Run! That's a perfect idea!" exclaims Ric. "You guys run ahead, I'll hold them off." Without a further word, Ric turns and starts trotting off to the pack.

"Are you insane?" I yell back at him, "You'll be killed!"

"No, no, it's okay. I have magic powers." And with that, he's off to face the raptors.

"He must be nuts," says Greg.

"He'll give us some time, anyway. Quick, let's get to the mall! With hundreds of specialty stores, we'll find all we need to survive! Weapons, food, shelter! To the mall!"

We all agree that it's the best place to be facing a velociraptor attack. We never hear anything from Ric, but he couldn't possibly have survived.

The mall is a creepy place at night. Starving, we barricade all the entrances and make our way to the food court. But I soon realize that the mall was a big mistake. There's a click click click and velociraptors start emerging from every store. We're soon surrounded. "Shit," Greg mutters.

Suddenly, Ric appears at one of our barricaded entrances. Only now, he's wearing a cape and holding a staff that looks like Gandalf's from the first Lord of the Rings movie. He rushes forward, jumping over the pack of raptors to stand with us and calmly says, "Don't worry, I have magical powers."

With that, he raises the staff high over his head and starts chanting. I can't make it out, but there are a lot of R's and L's. The staff starts glowing and he slams it down to the floor, sending a shockwave out in all directions. And, I shit you not, the velociraptors all turned into squirrels.

"Holy shit!" I yell. "How did you do that?"

Ric rolls his eyes and says, "I told you I have magic powers."

I don't know what to say. "But... but... but... Why squirrels?!"

Ric gives me this look that says are you fucking stupid or something? and tells me, "Magic is easier when there are double letters." Well, that explains it. "Now let's get out of here," he continues, "It's not like these raptors will stay squirrels forever!"

And that's when I woke up. I'm not sure what to think about it, but I will definitely trust someone if they tell me they can turn velociraptors into squirrels.

Some days I yearn to be a poet, the sort of person who can take any mundane occurance and transform it into a symphony of adverbs and prepositions. I am no such person.

The sky opened up on my wedding day and poured, as I knew for weeks it would.

It. Was. Perfect.

Our bliss is only enhanced when I tell you about the sheer agony we both felt at having let our parents down. We didn't do the fairy tale wedding, we didn't invite all of our relatives and acquaintances. We simply surrounded ourselves with love and rain and let it all happen.

Everything that could've gone wrong, did. His parents and best man had their flight cancelled. I was two hours late. We forgot the kiddush cup. The announcements. The garter. Thirty unexpected guests came to watch. I didn't even have time to shave and Steven had to take a Xanax to survive. My mother's love spilled tears from my eyes, lack of tissue notwithstanding. And yet... It was perfect.

I am told it was beautiful to behold, the mist rising over the chuppah, drops of rain covering everything like lace. The vows read from hundreds of miles away in the magic only an ancient language provides. Truly, my heart is bursting with the beauty and color and most of all, the joy of unconditional love.

So thank you. Thank you for witnessing what I honestly describe as the most beautiful moment in my life thusfar. Thank you for supporting us, for helping us, for taking our pictures and pronouncing our ceremony and preparing our food and for keeping us sane, for wishing us luck, for eating our cake, for mending the hurt, for spreading the joy, for being the best family we could ever want. God, I can't thank all of you enough.

And you know, it was a total success. The bride and groom came out married!

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