Medical diseases are fortunately at least symptomatic in their onset. There are signs to spark that conflagration of suspicion and fear. A small consolation, I know.

As we progress, exponentially, with mankind-affecting-epochs occuring multiple times within a generation, we must eventually realize that our hubris and unnatural fervor within the state of nature is not without consequence. Ever even more subtle is her attack on us, for we have turned it into a war long before now. We have forsaken our symbiotic role within Nature, instead holding onto a deserved mantle of superiority, supposing that domination is our manifest destiny.

We do not realize that Nature, as the ecology of our planet, and the natural order of the universe we inhabit, is insurmountable. We throw stones around us without regard to the fact that we reside in a glass construct. You might expect Nature, or god, or whatever, to come along and bitch-slap us back into the primordial ooze from which we sprang, but it seems that our construct has better means to deal with its present disease - namely, mankind.

Why not strike back within the fashion that god is accustomed? Let that ever-present morbid sense of humor that enjoys irony above all else teach us a lesson. And so we are all diseased. Consider the following list:

What could this seemingly unrelated set of disorders have in common? They are all a product of man. They are all attached to the mantle of superiority that we have assumed. Of course, let us not forget that most insidious of diseases, so subtle in its pervasity and encompassing in its damage : cynicism, the crowning achievement of post-modernism. It's danger is so potent because it is often seen as an antidote to the sickness that plagues the modern world. But this hook has barbs, and once it sets in it is impossible to remove without leaving a mark.

I offer no cure except a preventative one : vigilance. This world may have innumerable problems to offer all of us, but cynicism cuts us off from experiencing that which is worthwhile in life. When everything has gone to shit, truth and faith offer hope only when not gagged by the greasy rag of cynicism. Skepticism can be healthy in a world that is saturated with illusion, but be careful of riding this train where the ultimate destination is Void, retaining a population that consists only of the pathetic mewling sob that used to be your innocence.

The Warmth

I'd like to close my eyes and go numb
but there's a cold wind coming from
the top of the highest high-rise today.
It's not a breeze cause' it blows hard.
Yes and it wants me to discard the humanity I know,
watch the warmth blow away.

So don't let the world bring you down.
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold.
Remember why you came and while you're alive
experience the warmth before you grow old.

So do you think I should adhere to that pressing new frontier?
And leave in my wake a trail of fear
Or should I hold my head up high
and throw a wrench in spokes by
leaving the air behind me clear

So don't let the world bring you down.
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold.
Remember why you came and while you're alive
experience the warmth before you grow.

So don't let the world bring you down.
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold.
Remember why you came and while you're alive
experience the warmth before you grow old.

Before you grow old.
Where did it go? (x4)

Incubus - 1999

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of his life. I'm terrified, yet confident. I know I've made the right decision.

My son, Madison, never ceases to amaze me. He's got a gift. We haven't exactly pinned down what that gift is yet, but he's definately got something to offer.

As he struggled through kindergarten, I fretted every step of the way. He was smart, but his teacher got increasingly frustrated with him. He just didn't fit the mold. In the end, she didn't exactly fail him, but she recommended him for a program called Transitional First.

During the summer we decided to move back to my husband's home town. A small little island off the coast of Florida. Ahh, the island of Amelia. When school time came around again, I explained that Madison hadn't been passed and he was put through a battery of tests to see where he would end up. They said he had all the knowledge he needed to continue on to first grade.

This year, again, has been a fight. He's got straight A's and an A in conduct, yet his teacher is bothered by the fact that he can't "sit still". He doesn't cause trouble or dance a jig...he just tends to move a lot. They did an Intervention on him and sent him through a whole new set of tests for learning disabilities. The results? Not a single sign of ADHD or otherwise detrimental issues.

Still, once a week I was getting a call from his teacher imploring me to call my pediatrician and have him medicated. I refuse to turn my children into Stepford Children just for the sake of making someone's life a little easier. Perhaps if he had failing grades or bad behaviour, but he doesn't.

So here we are. Today was his last day of school. I am now charged with the job of educating him and molding him into a functioning member of society. I'm scared, yes. However, I'm excited at the prospects. He's got so much to offer...I just don't think it's what his first grade teacher wanted.

YESTERDAY! January 25th, 2004

After an infinite amount of combative circles with my girlfriend, I decided to end our 2 year relationship, my longest to date. She has always loved me, and she takes care of me really well. We instinctively filled in the holes of eachothers personalities, and everything was pretty good. She just had some control issues that she could never rid herself of and I never really felt free to do what's right for me. I was constantly feeling bad for what I wanted to do. She spent so much time convincing me that I was being selfish for doing what I want to do, when I want to do it. She felt that I was neglecting her, but the truth is that I just didn't want to spend that much time with her. She always made me feel so bad for that, and I didn't want to be the bad guy anymore.

So, now I have a live-in ex-girlfriend and her cat, shadow, who both have no place to go. She (the girlfriend, not the cat) stays up all night... in the same bed as me (the couch is taken by a roommate who can't sleep without the TV on) ... crying cause I broke up with her. This is far too much to handle. When you break up with someone, the beauty is you don't have to see how upset they really are. Not in my case, though. She hasn't got any friends and her sister won't let her stay with her and she and her parents don't get along too well (though she could stay there if she had to). She's taking this pretty hard, but I haven't turned on her. I still support her and am her friend. She really is a nice girl, but I can't take the little sighs and glances and every other thing she does to let me know this is not ok... the nuances of control. It was all so frustrating.

Final Verdict: If you are in a relationship with someone who is alot of good things, but the over-all tone is negative... get out before she is forced into your home and you are stuck listening to her cry all night after you can't take it anymore and decide to call it quits and she's got no place to go. But, if you find yourself in this same predicament, be a real man and have some compassion for her. Make sure she's alright, and don't kick her to the curb. That shit just ain't right.

My attempt at Uberman's Sleep Schedule


I’ve always had trouble sleeping.  Not falling sleep actually, but waking up. This has been going on all my life and I have tried everything I could think of: exercise, diet, medicine and recently had nasal surgery.  Still I can’t seem to improve my situation.  That coupled with my desire to take over the world has led me to this new sleep schedule.

I am a 34 year old male, married with one child and have a steady job…   which may make this difficult but if it works it will be worth it.   My plan is to try this for as long as I can with several problems in the foreseeable future, the first of which is a business trip next week.   I will be involved in a week long seminar in Atlanta and am unsure if I will be able to stay true to the schedule.  Let’s see what happens.

The Jeffersonian way seems most appropriate… that is do this for a period of time that is appropriate then take a break.  Hell, if it’s good enough for Thomas Jefferson then it sure worth a try.

Day one

Had a normal nights sleep when my wife sent me this link at work so I decided to give it a try.   Took my first nap at 1:30 PM for 25 min.   The second at 5:30 pm for 25 min.   I missed my 9:30 PM as I was making a presentation to the executive branch of a security company that I am contracting for (see world take over plans above).   Took a 25 min snooze at 10:30 PM  (an hour late).  My next nap is at 2:30am.

I feel fine, but what would you expect for a guy who got a full nights sleep and took three naps.  I think the real test will come as it gets later.    The naps were fine, I laid still and eventually fell asleep.  My mind raced and I keep thinking about how I better fall asleep as 25 minutes was not much time, but eventually I did fall asleep.  I only know this because each and every time I had dreams, which I conclude must mean R.E.M. sleep.  I can't remember though if REM is before, during or after dream stage.   I'll look that up.    

An interesting note is that I rarely remember my dreams, and although I don't remember what I was dreaming now I did for right after I woke up.  Oh, here's something else, every time I woke up before the alarm went off.   I tried to go back to sleep but never was successful.  

I intend to be very careful.  I do not do well on sleep deprivation.  I don't know why, but if miss even a day of sleep I get sick. It will start as a headache almost like a hangover.  If I push it it will lead to horrible migraines and pukeing.  The only hope of recovering being 18 hours of sleep.   So stay tuned. This could get fun.

P.S.  My Wife and friend Vertigo are also doing this.  I hope the will document it here.


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