Yep, it’s just another boring day at the office. The boss is on your ass for something you were or weren’t supposed to do, the traffic on the way in sucked, you spilled your coffee down the front of your shirt just before a meeting with a potential client and the spouse at home has been all up in your shit about how much time you’re spending at work and wants to have the in-laws over for dinner this weekend. The house is falling apart, the car needs some major league overhauls done to it, the grass is in desperate need of mowing and you just found out that the kids need braces.

Makes you want to go right out there and fucking kill something doesn’t it?

Oh, but where will you find the time? Your schedule is hectic as it is and it’s all you can do to flop down on the couch and watch some television before your eyes cloud over and you pass out with the remote in your hands.

Fear not my cubically inclined friend. Thanks to esteemed user Doyle who informed me about the practice of Internet hunting, you too can take out your frustrations on the world and kill something from the comforts of your own living room or office! At first I thought he was putting me on but after he sent me some links and I prowled around the Internet some more, I found out that it’s true, you can click and kill to your hearts delight.

So grab yourself a cooler of your favorite beverage, kick back in your Barcalounger , fire up the computer, invite some family and friends over to watch the slaughter and get yourself ready to blast away.

The idea of Internet hunting had its seeds first sown in Texas. It was there that a rancher had the idea to hook a rifle up to a computer and allow the user to fire said rifle once he had an animal square in the crosshairs on his monitor screen. A click of the mouse and BOOM!, no fuss, no muss, no noise, no bugs, no cleanup.

The site is called and here’s how it works.

First you sign up for an account and fork over upwards of $1,500 (ammunition not included) and schedule a time when you’d like to “hunt”. The site will contact you via –email and it’s then that you’ll have to indicate your animal of choice and when you’d like to kill it. Once everything is in order and the day arrives, you’ll log back on and the camera will be focused on a feeding station. It’s here that the hunter must display his stealth, cunning and patience from the safety of his or her own living room and wait until the “prey” approaches the station to grab a snack or a drink of water. Then, as the animal is centered in the on screen crosshairs, the “hunter” must steel his reserve and click the mouse. Somewhere, miles and miles away, a rifle is fired and hopefully the animal makes a swift and relatively painless exit.

That’s not always the case though. Often times, the animal is merely wounded and has to be finished off by personnel at the actual site itself. I don’t know what happens to the carcass, I don’t want to know.

Naturally this has the animal rights folks up in arms and for once they're not alone. Even the National Rifle Association has come out against the practice of Internet hunting as have the vast majority of hunters themselves. In response, the owners of the site contend that it’s ideal for people who are too old to hunt or for people who are physically unable to get out in the woods and stalk down an animal. I’m guessing that means people who are confined to wheelchairs can now enjoy the thrill of killing without having to venture out in the woods. Hell, as far as I can determine, you don’t even need a hunting license to go after the big game.

Once word started spreading about the practice of Internet hunting, many states enacted bans against it. Here’s a list of those that passed legislation banning the practice as of July, 2006.

New Hampshire
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
Rhode Island
South Carolina
West Virginia

As you can see, we still have along way to go.

On a personal note, I thought we had hit rock bottom when I heard about canned hunting.

As it turns out, we still have a long way to go.


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