Vice President Al Gore might be above "the politics of personal destruction," but his party leaders sure aren't. "I Know What You Did In Texas" is a website paid for by the Democratic National Committee ( that portrays George W. Bush's Texas governorship as a complete failure. If the site to to be believed (*ahem*), Texas is little more than a dystopian hellhole, and America is headed down the same path if its dark dictator is able to wrest power from the Clinton/Gore administration and extend his iron grip over all 50 states. Bush's overwhelming reelection as governor and strong Texas lead in the presidential polls can only be the results of mind-control and mass hallucinations, likely brought on by toxins in the state's air and water.

I absolutely love this website, because it is so ridiculously childish that it gives me hope that one day the American government will be as silly as England's Parliament. In scary psuedo-gothic red font, the site loudly proclaims "I Know What You Did In Texas... Real-Life Horror Stories.... Troubling Testimonials From Bush's Texas." The main graphic features (in menacing blue and white) what looks to be a cackling Bush overlooking giant dirty smokestacks, big piles of money, and a child with his head in his arms, apparently crying at his school desk. The entire graphic is a spectral shape, as if pouring out of the darkness to snatch your country away. Boo!

Videos and articles featuring real Texans (real Democratic Texans, I bet) tell personal horror stories tale by woeful tale. But to me, that's just Hollywood glitz poured on top of the real meat of the site: the 3 main sections. First, we have "Scary Record", where you can read "scarier than fiction" Texas tales and such arcane demonic texts as The Republican Platform. "Ready to really get the chills?" the site asks. My question is, "Is that a haunted castle or the Texas Capitol building?"

The second section is "Behind the Scenes", where you meet George W. Bush's shadowy right-wing puppetmasters. If you thought they don't get more evil than campaign finance hero John McCain and former (and still, if you think about it) civil rights activist Charlton Heston, you'll absolutely shudder with fear when you read about Bush's #1 henchman: Dick Cheney.

Finally "Killer Gear" links to, where you can buy Gore/Lieberman 2000 paraphernalia. You'll sleep soundly knowing that your contributions have gone to increasing the DNC's meager coffers.

Why the DNC would waste their money on a site like this is beyond me. Either they don't think very highly of their audience's intelligence, or a couple web-geeks working on Gore's "open source" web page felt the need to fill some free time. If Gore's trying to shed his image of scaring voters and talking down to people, this is probably not the best way to do so. The normal campaign sites (Bush, Gore, Nader, whatever) are written at a seventh grade level - max. This site is for the stragglers (presumably the poor Texan children); I think getting through the third grade will qualify you to get through this giggly romp of a website.

Actually, I realize the site is part of a larger effort to undermine Dubya's seemingly decent Texas accomplishments. However, am I the only one who sees the big flaw in this plan? If Texas is such a shithole, why hasn't Gore made the state better in his last 8 years as VP?


So, Bill, let's have a look-see at that fancy Arkansas record of yours...

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