I'm almost 21, and just
experiencing a new phenomenon
: a sense of empowerment
control, and self-confidence
usually hits teenagers during puberty
I think my social development got arrested
It took this long, but now I finally believe that I may be pretty. Not all the time, but when I look good, I know I look really good. I believe in the power of looks. I feel confident and secure in the body I finally have.
Do I sound vain?
I sound vain. Feeling this sort of strength is
intoxicating. The knowledge that I can
draw eyes, turn heads, hold attention.
This turns hilarious, next, because once I see someone
interested in me, I get all pissed off. Hey, I have brains, you know? I'm not just a size four!
And I become eloquent. Trying to prove that
I'm smart. Suddenly, my charm hits full speed
and I'm demonstrating my intelligence instead
of strutting my looks. I take the conversation
all over the place, break out the puns, my
one-liners. I become a grammar demon,
mentally ferreting out errors in speech.
The truth is, I don't fully feel like I
own the room. Not yet. But I'm finally
getting to the place where I can think of owning
it for just a little bit, just long
enough to keep my ego where it is.
Right over here, near my heart.