You love cheesecake. You love fried foods. For years you've doubted that either could be improved upon but now, coming to an e2niverse near you is... (drum roll, please):
Yes that's right friends. Without further ado, the recipe:
- 1 frozen cheesecake (any flavor or variety)
- 4 cups buttermilk
- 1 box of graham crackers
- peanut or vegetable oil
- a deep-fryer
Selecting Your Pie
At the grocery store, there may be half an aisle devoted to frozen cheesecakes. You're looking for a sturdy pie, preferably New York style or something with a deep pan.
You may choose a plain cheesecake, or something with other flavors in it like chocolate or strawberry. You can even make the cheesecake from scratch, as long as you do it right--no jell-o instant cheesecakes. It really is easier to just buy one ready from the store, but if you insist on making it at home, you'll need to freeze it overnight.
Your graham crackers are going to serve as breading, so you need to crumble them into fine pieces. You can do this using your hands, but I prefer using the bottom of a glass or plastic cup. If you take the rim in your hand, you can push the other end down onto the cracker.
While you're making this breading, remove your cheesecake from the freezer so it can defrost slightly. The goal is to have it mostly chilled but not entirely solid. You'll know the consistency of the pie when you take a large knife and cut the cheesecake into pieces. Ideally, these squares should be bite-sized.
Try not to manipulate the pie too much with your hands. You're pretty warm and it'd be easy enough for you to defrost the cheesecake manually in a matter of minutes. Once you've divided the cheesecake into pieces, pour your buttermilk into a bowl.
You're going to bread the cheesecake bits, but to get the graham breading to stick, you need to dip them in buttermilk first. It is much easier to take the bulk of the cheesecake bites and leave them sit in the bowl of buttermilk than it is to go one by one. I understand. However, buttermilk will start to dissolve the cheese and we don't want that. Take your time.
Piece by piece, dip into the buttermilk, lift it out to drain excess milk and then roll it into the graham crumbs so that each piece is completely covered. Place them on a plate or tray. When you've finished, the cheesecake bites need to be refrozen for at least 1-3 hours.
When your cheesecake bits have frozen solid, the fun begins. If you have a deep fryer or fry-daddy, use that. Otherwise, a deep pan will do the trick. In your fryer, heat a fair amount of peanut oil to 325 degrees. If you don't have peanut oil, try sesame oil. Don't attempt regular vegetable oil, however; you probably won't care for the taste.
Once the oil is heated, drop in a few cheesecake bits. Pull them out about a minute later, when they start to float. If you're a jedi, you can probably handle a bunch of these at once. But again, be patient. If you can't wield a pair of tongs like a lightsaber, take your time and fry only a few pieces at once.
As the cheesecake pieces finish, place them atop several layers of paper towel so they can drain and cool. Wait at least 15 minutes, so as not to burn yourself, but not much longer. You want to eat these hot.
Congratulations! You've just made yourself fried cheesecake. If you want to enjoy them even more, may I suggest some whipped cream or ice cream with fruit flavored syrup, or chocolate perhaps? We wouldn't want anyone to mistake this for healthy.
In case you're wondering, this is absolutely disgusting...