Canada's preeminent punk band. They consist of the following¹: This is their saga in their own words¹:

Conceived of by the Cretin, the band was initially fertilized from a union of The Sikphuxz, the Xenon X-men and one other alien entity. After being spray painted Day Glo Orange by unscrupulous doctors, they were thrown into the trash heap. They were kept warm during their first harsh Canadian winter by the rotting corpses of other experiments gone awry. They grew at a fantastic rate, and had soon begged enough money to buy second hand music equipment, lots of beer and enormous amounts of Skunk bud. They mesmerized a local recording firm with these, and Out Of The Womb was born.

Greedy money grubbing con men quickly robbed them of initial glory, but the spark of their life had caught flame. Four more years of toil, beers and tokes later they had mesmerized another, convincing him to help fund a new project. Not wanting to let the first effort die, they added it to their new album, Feed Us A Fetus. Rancid came along and created the cover, showing Ron and Nancy Reagan as the cannibals they really are, dining on succulent Fetus awash in Cream'O'Jellybean sauce. Take note of tie pin (it's Rons middle initial W for Walden, but he has it on upside down!), and his fangs. Many were converted in the year that followed, and their disciples grew. Gretzky was the first, and appears on the back photo of the Fetus album. Then came Nev the Impaler, followed by Mike 'Jak' Anus, who could never rightly figure out his real name, but played a mean guitar. History was made in whatever town they appeared in. Their Record Co., FRINGE the APOSTATE (boo hiss), saw the Golden Goat and milked it for plenty. They even said they would pay for the next album, and told the boys to "make it juicy".

Here Today, Guano Tomorrow was the product, and an obscenity charge against FRINGE for distributing it was the result. Constable Jim Fitzgibbons was enraged to find his daughter influenced by thoughts of the Abortions and vowed to take his indignation to the Highest Court in Canada. The band fought back with support from other peoples sons and daughters, and the Court agreed that, as in any form of expression, the band has every right to "paint (ourselves) blue, and run naked from the hills ", as stated by the Cretin. Vindicated, but not compensated, the episode provided them with a lot of ammo for their next release.

Two Dogs Fucking starts by ripping into Ben Hoffman of FRINGE and attacks every pussy whipped, politically correct, wife abusing, alcoholic hypocrite on the planet. This effort garnered great reviews and acclaim for the power, intensity and humour displayed in the songs. Their loyal legions of fans increased substanially, and so did their collective egos. Gone was the commaraderie, replaced by the infamous Rock Star attitude of "we deserve everything". Bonehead was operating a Speakeasy in Victoria, Cretin was receiving Color Out of Space, and Spud was Coiling up with his new band. Like a boiling pustule, it all came to a head in late '94, and great gobs puss spewed from the mouths of the original Abortions. The band was crucified on a coathanger and Cretin put Spud on the couch and Jesus in the trash.

But Jesus, by the will of Spud, was reborn, and assumed the mantle of leadership for the Dysfunctional band. He recruited Squid, Hung and Gymbo. They practised day and night, leaping past all obstacles, culminating with the release of Little Man In The Canoe in '95. They went on tour immediately, and with reborn enthusiasm, erased the doubts cast by the absence of the Cretin. They were faster, tighter and back to the basics of loud and obnoxious punk rock from whence they came. They rested not on their laurels, but used the time on the road to writing new material. Upon their return, the new band was back in the studio again, pulling off a major coup: releasing two albums in the space of a year. They also found GOD (records that is). Back at the outhouse, the Cretin was becoming a LUMMOX.

Corporate Whores was released in 1996, as was Natural Born Swillers, by the Cretin's new band, LUMMOX. Bonehead and the band toured and one member, Squid, left the band, with Mike 'Jak' Anus coming back in '97 (and leaving again). LUMMOX is practising, and has been terrorizing Victoria and Vancouver. New material should be available in 1999, so pick up this first release ASAP, before they're all gone!! Fringe has made restitution with the Dayglos and the BFG's, and Cretin, Spud and Bonehead are again writing a new album for a Spring '99 release date. The Dayglo best of compilation, Stupid World, Stupid Songs, is released in October of 1998, with the Tribute Album coming in 1999 as well.

¹ Most of this stuff is ripped off from their website:

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