It was a big building. When I was a kid, I only went to church in little places, country churches and ones that didn't have enough faithful to be truly glorious. At first I recognized the beauty of the place, but didn't accept it as a church. How could it be? It was too beautiful, with ceilings too high! Murals too intricate! Something in my head screamed over and over, "Not not not allowed!"
After sitting in a pew with my head down, fists clenched and teeth grinding for about ten minutes at the injustice of such a worldy impressive place being reserved for God, I slowly began to push my tension away. I consciously relaxed my shoulders, opened my hands, opened my mouth slightly and exhaled softly. I looked up at the ceiling above the altar, so far away it almost made my vertigo come spinning up. In a moment of silence the hairs on the back of my neck rose, and a cold sweat gripped my back. I could hear..spirits.
Someone listening from out of my view. I was laid bare, exposed before the world, that couldn't care enough to look down and notice my naked body shuddering under the wind. Eventually I realized that, no, I was not alone. There were others, too.
The listeners. The quiet watchers. The previous receivers of sacred revelation.
For the first time, I think ever, I fell to my knees and began to pray. I cannot tell you what I prayed, there were no words, only earnest, quickly spilling, gripping feelings. After I was done with my Prayer, I got up and began walking around, studying the statues and works of art scattered thickly around.
The smell of incense and the feeling of home that swept over me kept me there enthralled, I could not leave. I had visited on an impulse during my lunch break, and I stayed there, in the cathedral, until it was closed. I had vacation days left, I could afford to miss half a day of work.
I have spent my last five weekends here, at the cathedral. I've already bought a plot in the cramped graveyard for my body; In some sense I look forward to the day when I will die, and live here forever more. If God has any mercy, which I believe He does, I will hover here all days and nights, listening, watching, in the cathedral.