You know what I want? One of those 1970s microphones used by game show hosts.

The Bob Barker/Gene Rayburn special, slim with a tiny little beaded head.

I've been watching the network Buzzr. A genius little Digital antenna network (the modern UHF) which shows off nothing more than old game shows. They're entertaining as hell. "You win a NEW CAR!" and people scream like crazy for what we now know was an ugly six mile per gallon rolling disaster mostly found these days unwanted and rotting away in fields. Charles Nelson Reilly puffing on his characteristic pipe in a Nautical-inspired outfit that strangely matched the enormous facial furniture glasses he sported back in the day. Risque double entendres and Farrah Fawcett Majors hair on the competitiors, orange and brown everywhere - with tobacco and pea-soup colored appliances to be won.

The wife and I can watch that network for at least an hour. Strangely enough, even the stupidest of 70s television beats the Kardashian nonsense they want us to pay $90 a month for.

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