I don't want to fall so easily.
, Graveyards make me wet
and Someone please kill me
, especially ElectricMollusk
's writeup, provoke some sort of noder's-crisis in me at 3:30 am after long conversings with friends and roommate. What would potentially have made quite an interesting node ended up in the chatterbox. You had to be here.
Discover upon waking much later that N-Wing's chatterboxbot has logged it all - will post here after skimming and you can decide for yourself whether or not you had to be here after all.
Fool's Parade turned out well, even if I didn't manage to get the french fries-in-my-beard for the "the mad monk Ras-poutine" costume.
Spent the afternoon napping on the sofa curled around my best friend.
Debut of Perpetual Dream Theory at Chazz's cafe. I arrive late, after a demonstration of Jump and Bump. See lots of people I didn't expect to see in the small space. Good music. Pedal falls off the foot-pedestal. Spoken word well-received there for the first time ever.
Back to the Fool's after-parade party, accordion played. Yum. Fire-dancing. What more can be said?
Now officially 4:38 am April 2nd. Sleep.
chatterbox transcript follows:
disclaimer: some remarks omitted / shuffled for ease of thread-following. all remarks reprinted without permission (tell me if you want your words off / anonymized) and most hard links introduced at the time of reprinting, so the home audience can follow along 8)
11:28 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: everything is turning into something amazing and for once I have nothing to say. i almost feel like crying.
11:29 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: almost, mind you. it isn't, and shouldn't be, group therapy, but it is amazing to witness complex subjective emotional states articulated in such a manner as to be appreciatable by people to whom they don't apply.
11:29 UTC: xunker: ANy particual reason?
11:30 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: one starts wondering: don't I experience complex states as well? why aren't I articulating these if that is the case?
11:30 UTC: icicle: ditto pseudo intellectual. sniff.
11:30 UTC: icicle: actually, i'm in such a state tonight anyways.
11:31 UTC: Tabs: well said
11:31 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: back when I was the uber-hardcore-noder (think 150 nodes in a single sitting) I could discourse for hours on the status of my post-humanizing conditioning efforts. I could speak with authority on something personally meaningful to me.
11:31 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: now i have nothing more significant to share than "I had to urinate frequently yesterday for no explicable reason and was more than mildly disturbed at this turn of events."
11:32 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: when did I become so, so decadent? 8)
11:33 UTC: xunker: When you first used your powers for evil?
11:33 UTC: Tabs: yer gettin' old p_i
11:33 UTC: icicle: decadent? hardly. creativity ebbs and flows.
11:33 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: This-all was intended to be an audienceless address into the unwatching abyss, so I really don't know how to continue now that it's been made apparent that people are a) observing and b) sympathizing.
11:33 UTC: ModernAngel: p_i, what is this "post-humanizing"?
(darn, missed that question at the time - eventually it'll end up being answered here...)
11:33 UTC: discofever: amazing to witness complex subjective emotional states articulated in such a manner as to be appreciatable by people to whom they don't apply : sounds like a good definition of art to me.
11:34 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: are we only interesting when we're in dangerous places? am I in too safe / comfortable a spot to perform with credibility?
11:34 UTC: xunker: Pity the flow usually happens in the wee hours of the AM.
11:34 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: icicle - can accounts of quotidian life really be described as creativity?
11:35 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: disco - let's not get too modernist here. Meaning in art is such a bourgeois notion 8)
11:35 UTC: discofever: Every place is dangerous. Flip one neuron in your head, and discover insanity.
11:36 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: there is a flaw at the heart of all of this - that one's state, interesting or not, is necessarily worthy of sharing.
11:36 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: (insert john malkovich's head here)
11:36 UTC: icicle: my brain hurts.
11:36 UTC: discofever: Forgive me, p_i. I haven't been up this late in ages, and I can feel my mind slipping... ;-)
11:37 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: disco - I'd like you to sing your song 8)
11:37 UTC: xunker: Creativity is life. Life is the wholesone goodness that makes experience.
11:37 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: xunk - if living is the creating, then where does the sharing come in?
11:38 UTC: xunker: Am I the only one here who takes negative reputaions on my writeups personally? Or am I just a daft mogy?
11:39 UTC: discofever: My POV : your peers decide what is worth sharing, and the only way you'll know if it's worthy is to share it in the first place... so go ahead, spread.
11:39 UTC: xunker: If this ain't sharing I don't know what it. The untold experiance never happened.
(the unexamined life is not worth living? - Socrates)
11:39 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: I find well-written first-hand accounts of interesting life interesting, but somehow I find compelling accounts of true things with which the author has no tangible connection even moreso.
11:40 UTC: discofever: x : My forehead has a self-inflicted dent in it for every negative vote. Yes, it's personal - don't worry. ;-)
11:40 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: perhaps there's a bit of voyeurism-disdain in there, perhaps a bit of aversion to self-promotion...
11:41 UTC: xunker: So then surealism is often more real?
11:41 UTC: discofever: P_I : I think I've got the 'accounts of true things' down... now, how do I get the 'compelling' part?
11:41 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: I read writeups that make me want to jump up and shout YES!!, to give the author a hug and say I know exactly where you're coming from... and instead I give it a +1 vote and maybe a cool.
11:42 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: disco - your accounts have compelled me, which is all I can vouch for in terms of worthiness 8)
11:43 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: xunk - something more along the lines of abstraction.
11:43 UTC: xunker: Perhaps that's what everything will evolve into -- a repository and mayhaps blueprint of the human psyche.
11:43 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: showing instead of telling.
11:44 UTC: xunker: A structured absraction. A very enlighting premise.
11:45 UTC: discofever: I try to follow the KISS rule here : sharing makes me happy if it's appreciated, appreciating what others have shared makes me happy. The rest is just fluff.
11:47 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: I scrape away the happiness, the appreciation. I only want to share things that are important, yet at the same time I want to
be complete. I have severe disdain for my highest-ranking nodes.
11:47 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: What other people think shouldn't be a factor in anything. I am searching for truth, not popularity.
11:48 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: (... and am finding neither 8)
11:48 UTC: kessenich: My highest-ranking node is Brooks Brothers, which mystifies me...
11:49 UTC: kessenich: running third is That Morton Salt girl is hot. QED.
11:50 UTC: discofever: What other people think is my only guide. There's no way I could figure out if something is the 'truth' without them; I decieve myself.
11:50 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: kess - a well-written, informative and unbiased-appearing node. great form, but what does it tell us in the context of your having written it / decided it was something the world needed to know and that you'd be the one to tell us? (or should such
11:51 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: context be declared irrelevant?) Should we be learning about each other from what we say, where we say, or should we not be concerned with learning about each other at all? Is this an endeavour based on (role-played) personalities or on information?
11:53 UTC: kessenich: thanks, ps. The world needed to know, and I was destined to be the one to tell them. Or something.
11:52 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: Can anyone draw a connection between what I'm presently saying and how my outburst began?
11:53 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: I'm fairly certain there's a connection, but somewhere the focus shifted from the personal to the objective.
11:54 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: ... and devolved into me asking other people shortly after declaring the opinion of other people irrelevant.
11:54 UTC: discofever: p_i : there's no log in the chatterbox; all is lost to the ether. Sorry, I guess we forgot to drop bread crumbs or something... ;-)
11:55 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: ooh look, there's a house made of CANDY!
11:55 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: ahh, the earlier-tonight-cited state of being rational enough to realize that you're acting irrationally, but not rational enough to (bring yourself to) do anything about it.
11:56 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: i guess I'm not asking for someone to quote me back at me but perhaps am seeing if anyone else was following (or was capable of following) my progression.
11:57 UTC: discofever: the sun's coming up. I still have to do taxes.
11:58 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: Talk talk talk. And still no conviction that there is anything said. I have to be performing in eight hours.
11:59 UTC: Pseudo_Intellectual: .. so until my next crisis, i withdraw my buzzing brain from the hive.
in our last episode... | p_i-logs | and then, all of a sudden...