The law that is the bane of my existance. Actually, just this passage in particular...

(iii) Any labeling rules prescribed under this subparagraph before January 1, 1997, shall provide that, with respect to any gravity tank-type white 2-piece toilet which has a water use greater than 1.6 gallons per flush (gpf), any printed matter distributed or displayed in connection with such product (including packaging and point of sale material, catalog material, and print advertising) shall include, in a conspicuous manner, the words "For Commercial Use Only".

It's a pretty obscure passage, and doesn't look like much, but this particular piece of legislature, most likely pushed through a weak Congress by some overzealous environmental lobbyist, plagues me almost every day. Perhaps this is not the specific law, but it is the only one in the U.S. Code of Laws that contains the words 'toilet' and 'gallons'. And what it means is this:

Any time I take a dump, I have to flush the toilet at least twice. Because the new residential toilets are so weak, have so little water in them, and have such a small drain hole, anything but my smallest expulsion will clog them up. And God forbid I use toilet paper to wipe.

You see, the old toilets were at least 2.5 gallons. And when you flushed, there was some force behind it, pulling everything down into the nether regions where only Renton has ever dared. But some people decided that it would save water (and somehow energy) for water-conserving toilets. So they passed a law requiring all new residential toilets to be 1.6 gallons per flush or less.

Talk about your all-time backfires.

It is not water efficient when I have to flush the toilet four times to finish my business. It is not water efficient when the toilet clogs one-in-three times I sit down on it, forcing me to repeat the time-honored, yet repetitive tradition of plunge-and-flush.

I do not, as far as I know, leave abnormally large stool samples. And I do not, as far as I know, wipe myself an abnormal number of times. And I know for a fact that I am not the only one that suffers from this, because I know people that have illegally purchased commercial toilets for residential use. Yes, they bought toilets on the black market. If the black market had an outlet mall, they'd be in Aisle 7, right next to the babies and the black, realistic-looking water pistols.

So why am I ranting on about this? Well, for one, I just clogged one of those wonderful 1.6 gallon toilets. Secondly, I'm clicking through the only U.S. Code Of Laws at Cornell. And third, nodes about toilets are upvote magnets.

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