how do I undo it?
I know that people who don't freeze me are rare. i think that might be my fault.
there is something i do that keeps connections far away from me. something other people do. it doesnt seem to bother me, if I disassociate. how did i survive a trip to savannah? by removing myself. I was just absent, and he never knew. I wish something had shocked me into my own body - something like a tidal wave or severe pain, no choice but to come back and live it. I would have been tremendous. would have done what was right, and had no cause for shame, ever, ever.

The end of shame would be a powerful thing. How many challenges are placed by my own fear?

I watch people being their normal lives, and it is technical genius, like bees, a skill, grace