After hearing his recipe, the need for keeping Jurph away from explosives was obvious. When presented with several ingredients, he eagerly asked if anyone nearby had a swimming pool which could be used as a source for powdered chlorine. For some reason, his military background wasn't warning enough for us. Maybe because he couldn't confirm or deny anything beyond his name, rank and service number.

The trip to Yankee Trader was eventful and provided more than a day's worth of bounty. One of the items procured was an enormous balloon and a pump with which to inflate it. Also purchased were a number of firecrackers, including a large Roman Candle. (As put by Jay, "This is an M-80. That's a quarter stick of dynamite. Which means if you have four of them, you've got like... two sticks of dynamite!")

As the loot was displayed back at The Short North, it was clear that something nefarious had to be done. Jurph quickly announced the following procedure:

Jurph's Firey Balloon...of doom! 1

Ingredients:

  • One large balloon (approximately 3' in diameter)
  • One roman candle
  • Powdered chlorine
  • Brake fluid

Preheat oven to 350°.

Dust inside of balloon with chlorine.

Inflate balloon slightly, using pump or lungs. Take caution not to inhale the chlorine, as it is poisonous... and when mixed with water forms a wonderful substance known as HCl. Note that the maximum inflation level should not be achieved as this will result in less-than-satisfactory containment in later steps.

Soak the fuse of the Roman Candle in brake fluid.

Insert unlit Roman Candle completely in balloon. Tie off the nozzle. Orient the balloon such that the wick will come in contact with the chlorine, but not in a timeframe during which you are in proximity to the contraption.

Run.

If done correctly, you will have a glowing ball of fire, mostly contained in the balloon. The brake fluid and the chlorine result in a hypergolic reaction, meaning the chef doesn't need to mess about with the business end of the Roman Candle, just an unlit one.

Serves 1-100

After this incident, Jurph and several other noders proceeded to stuff beer bottles with firecrackers while looking for alternate entertainment sources.

Following the pyrotechnic events, Jurph was allowed to sing and percuss, but not blow things up.

1 Anything with 'of doom' appended becomes more mysterious and awe-inspring.

Oh, and don't try this at home... just Zot-Fot-Piq's house.