Captain’s Log Star date: 3965.9
We have chanced upon a small planet
, which appears to be made completely from chocolate.
The planet’s moons are made from a gelatinous substance
, I suspect them to be marshmallows
and I have sent a geographical survey team to examine this. Meanwhile I will prepare another away
team to beam down
to the planet.
The away team and myself have beamed down to the planet and it is indeed made from chocolate.
I have never tasted a more delightful chocolate
. I have eaten at least a quarter
bodyweight, yet I feel nothing, it is incredibly light. Also, the geographical survey team has
informed me that not only are the moons made from marshmallow, but also they are tasty
They shall beam down to the surface presently and we will assemble some smores
, Spock assures
me that there is a 98.7% chance that they will be yummy
. I only hope he’s right.
I am beginning to get worried. The away team hasn’t arrived yet and I’m beginning to get cranky
Worse still, there is some kind of interference
and I cannot contact the Enterprise
geographical survey team. It’s probably nothing; I’ll just have some more chocolate
I feel drowsy. I told Bones
about it and he said it was ‘probably nothing, probably the atmosphere’.
He seemed annoyed by my questions; he muttered something under his breath
. He didn’t seem
drowsy either. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d drugged me
. He’s long been lusting after my
position. Well, he’s in for a surprise. Spock’s been looking at me strangely. He’s in on it with
Bones. I saw them talking. I heard them laughing at me
! I know what they’re up to. They
think I don’t know. I’ll show them. I grow hungry; I must eat some more chocolate.
Each and every one of them is a traitor. I’ve got my eye on that Vulcan and that
Checkov. Always looking at me. He’s a spy you know. I’ve seen that look before; it’s
the look of a dirty bug! They’re all dirty bugs! Crawling on my skin, eating their filth. Oh, yes,
I’m onto them and their little plan. They know that I’ve got the good chocolate; I’ve got all the good chocolate
. Well they’re not going to get it. This one’s for you Grandpa!
He hee! I’ve buried the chocolate. Hee hee hee! They’ll never find it. Unless they eat my brains
Good lord! Are they so sick and desperate they would eat my brains? They’re all waiting for
me to fall asleep. But I won't. Hee hee hee! The doctor tried to knock me out before, he walked over
and said he was going to help me, but I saw what he was doing, he was going to drug me again
So I hit him in the head with a rock
. Hee hee! He won’t try that again.
Look at his ears. Look at them. Pointing into the sky, mocking me
! He thinks I can’t hear them,
but I can. I can hear them loud and clear. He’s using his ears to send secret mind messages to
the others, but I can pick them up too. And it is far more evil
than I ever thought. They want to
eat my brains so they can find my chocolate. The good chocolate. But then the doctor will turn
on them, how black his heart is, how truly deceitful. He wants to cut all their heads off and
attach them to his body. It all starts in the morning, that’s when their plan starts; well we’ll see
about that eh? We’ll see.
They won’t wake up again. I made sure of that. The Vulcan
was first. I wonder if the irony appealed
to his sense of logic, you see, I choked him with the chocolate he so desperately wanted. The
same with the Red
. I had to be quiet; I had to cover his mouth. The poor fools, they didn’t even
know I was saving them from the horror of the Doctor’s plan. Ah yes, the Doctor, oh, how he
struggled. I wanted him awake. I wanted him to see his plan falling apart, to see justice. If I
hadn’t had the good chocolate, I wouldn’t have had the strength to destroy his evil mind
look in his eyes chilled me to my very core even as he died he was planning, conniving. He was
evil to the bitter end. But he has been silenced and his hideous mockery of nature and goodness
has gone with him. That made it all worthwhile. And now, it is over, my tainted hands
and I am so very tired, but the good chocolate is all mine and for that I would do it all again. It
now tastes even sweeter
, the taste of victory, the taste of triumph. How it calms me, how it
always has. And so, I sleep. Finally. I sleep