The aforementioned stereotypical
is actually pretty damn funny, if you pay attention to it. Here we have a fatally overconfident would-be pimp
try to pick up a girl off the curb and get smacked right back down by both the girls and his driving companion, a somewhat unusual contrast to the flocks of girls
that follow "normal" rap stars in their videos (cf.
"Girls, Girls, Girls
" by Jay-Z
). Then, of course, Aphex Twin
makes it all seem pitiful. I'd also like to point out that, at times, the dialogue was extremely hard to transcribe
from the video, due to the actors' tendency to slur
pretty much every word they said so it becomes one big string of phoneme
s. If you'd like to see it yourself (and everyone needs to at least once), it's hosted in Quicktime
over at http://www.director-file
.com/cunningham/522.html, and if the bandwidth cap for that site has been exceeded for the day, a smaller version is available somewhere in http://www.aphextwin.nu/. Below is the pre-limo exchange in the video; the homie
s are played by Marcus Morris
and Gary Cruz
, and the hoochie
s are played by Marcy Turner
and Chiquita Martin
. I have no idea who is who.
(Obscenity count, done just for shits and giggles: "nigger," 43 occurances; "motherfuck(er|ing)," 26 occurances; "fuck" (excluding the above), 46 occurances; "shit," 16 occurances.)
(Two homies roll along the street, one driving and one talking. The driving one is bald, has a moustache, is wearing a white undershirt, and looks Hispanic; the one talking is black, but has long wavy hair and a plaid shirt.)
Homie 1: How about we find some motherfucking bitches, old man? Nigger, I'm horny as a motherfucker, nigger, you know what I'm saying?
Homie 2: I don't give a fuck, holmes.
Homie 1: I don't give a fuck neither, motherfucker. Gonna be finding some bitches, man.
Homie 2: I don't give a fuck!
Homie 1: All right, motherfucker, we need to find us some hos up in this motherfucker, man, for real! You know what I'm s— nigger, man, what the fuck is you slowing down for, nigger? Drive this motherfucker! Move! Roll, nigger, damn! We ain't getting nowhere—
Homie 2: Man, fuck you, holmes.
Homie 1: We'll get nowhere, man, driving like a little—
Homie 2: Fuck you, holmes!
Homie 1: —driving like a little bitch, man, you ain't driving Miss motherfucking Daisy, nigger! Just roll, nigger, shit! Man, I get tired of rolling with your slow ass, nigger, just roll, man! ... Some nice ass, oh, look at some bitches right there, oh, hell, yeah! Nigger, let's roll. It's on, motherfucker, yeah, nigger. Damn, I just can't wait, man, nigger horny as a motherfucker, man, dick all hard, nigger, i'm ready to fuck, nigger, straight up, nigger! I'm ready to get my groove motherfucking on, you hear me, nigger? Nigger—
Homie 2: Man, fuck you, holmes!
Homie 1: Nigger, quit slowing this motherfucking ride down, nigger, what's wrong with you, fool? Nigger, something wrong with your motherfucking feet? Nigger, drive this motherfucker, man, just get the fuck to where we got to go, nigger!
Homie 2: I don't give a fuck, holmes!
Homie 1: Damn! What the fuck going on up in this bitch? Let me play my shit, nigger! It's my motherfucking tape up in this bitch. Shit. (Homie 1 puts in some slow hip-hop groove music. Trivium: The bass line for this music is the same as the bass line for the Windowlicker song itself, only at half the speed.)
Homie 2: Man, I don't give a fuck.
Homie 1: Man, shut the fuck up, nigger! You get on my motherfucking nerves, nigger! (looking out the side of the car) Oh, shit, hey, nigger, hey. Hey, hey, m— hey, man, turn this motherfucking car around. Hey, turn this motherfucker around, fool! Oh, shit, aw, yeah. Oh, it's on, nigger. It's on up in this motherfucker, man. Nigger, nigger, come on, man.
Homie 2: All right, fool. (Homies pull up to two hoochies standing on the curb.)
Homie 1: Hey, what's packing, bitch?
Homie 2: Damn!
Homie 1: What the fuck going on up in this motherfucker?
Hoochie 1: Ooh, not your broke ass, nigger!
Hoochie 2: Ooh!
Homie 1: Why don't you two meet us in the car? Let's go! Oh, come on, girl, why you got to be broke, girl? What's happening? (I can't really tell what he's saying here; someone please enlighten me.)
Hoochie 1: Why, 'cause you ain't got but some broke trash-basket, you simple-ass fool, coming up, talking that shit to me!
Homie 2: What, what shit are you confused like that for, bitch?
Homie 1: Nigger, slow your roll, you just drive, nigger! (turning back to hoochies) Girl, you can get in, you can sit right here on my motherfucking lap, and let's roll. 'Cause it's party n—
Homie 2: Damn.
Homie 1: Hey, nigger, slow down, nigger, hold on, man, let me do this shit, just sit down!
Homie 2: I didn't say nothing, fool! What?
Homie 1: Girl, go on, get in this car, girl, we can have a good time, handle our business.
Homie 2: Good loving, fool!
Homie 1: Nigger, just shut the fuck up, nigger!
Homie 2: Shit, you shut the fuck up, holmes.
Homie 1: Girl, go on and get in the car, girl, so we can handle this business, girl. You make a nigger wanna fuck, girl. Get on in the car—
Hoochie 1: Say what? You ain't got shit coming!
Hoochie 2: Nothing.
Hoochie 1: You ain't got shit coming.
Hoochie 2: Not a motherfucking thing.
Hoochie 1: How do you think I'm gonna talk to you with your fake-ass jewelry?
Hoochie 2: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hoochie 1: You can't even have gold?
Homie 1: Hey, girl, y—
Hoochie 1: I mean, what can you do for me?
Homie 1: Girl, what the f— Girl, what the fuck are you talking about, broke? You see something broke about this, girl? (holds up his necklace)
Hoochie 1: Keep rolling. You ain't got nothing to offer me but your broke ass. And take your mama's car home, nigger.
Homie 1: Man, stop trying to diss me, ho! There's no trying to diss me, girl, I'm a player, girl, for real. Player, player, girl!
Homie 2: Man, shut the fuck up, fool.
Homie 1: Man, would you shut the fuck up, man?
Homie 2: Shut the fuck up, fool.
Homie 1: Let me handle this business, man.
Homie 2: Man, fuck you, holmes.
Homie 1: We ain't gonna get no pussy riding with your broke ass, nigger.
Homie 2: Man, fuck that. I don't give a fuck.
Hoochie 1: Nigger, you ain't gonna get no pussy no way! Don't nobody want to talk to your broke trifling ass. Look at you! Nigger, look at your hair!
Homie 1: Aw, girl, don't talk about my motherfucking hair, no the fuck you didn't talk about my hair. (Raucous laughter from hoochies.) Bitch, fuck you, girl!
Hoochie 1: Look at his hair! Nigger, you need to get something done to your shit. That's right, that's what I said, nigger! You ain't about shit, and your hair ain't neither.
Homie 1: Bitch! Don't be acting like no fucking stuck-up ho, like you're from Beverly Hills or some shit! Go on, get in the car, and let's roll.
Homie 2: Man, what you talking about, holmes?
Homie 1: Fuck you hos. Don't be putting your motherfucking nose up in the air, bitch!
Homie 2: Man, fuck that, bitch!
Homie 1: Hey, nigger, slow down, nigger!
Homie 2: Man, fuck this bitch, holmes!
Homie 1: Girl—
Homie 2: Girl, don't buy that!
Homie 1: Man, slow your motherfucking roll, fool!
Homie 2: Who do you think she is?
Homie 1: Slow your roll, nigger!
Homie 2: Go away, man, let me talk to her. Go away, go away.
Homie 1: Let me handle this. Let me handle this. Girl, go get in this motherfucking ride, get in the fucking car, and let's roll and do this shit. Nigger, you slow down and let me do this shit.
Homie 2: Man, fuck you, holmes.
Homie 1: Girl, we want to fuck, you know what I'm saying? Get on in the car, we'll get some liquor, and go get it on, girl!
Hoochie 1: You simple-ass niggers just better roll on.
Homie 1: Look, we ain't never gonna get no pussy because of your stupid-ass mouth, man. Shut the fuck up, man. Man, fuck that bitch!
Homie 2: This is you, man. 'Cause you can't get no play, motherfucker. No, none of it, you can't get no motherfucking play. You can't— (At this point, the Longest Limousine Ever crashes into their car. Hilarity ensues and Richard D. James gets all the women he wants.)
Please send all communication regarding this writeup, correction, rant, or otherwise, to "/msg pmdboi" .