We went out to play pool tonight, and I honestly would have preferred to stay home, but at the insistence of others I did in fact leave the house. We were at the pool'y place for around two hours, and then wanted to head somewhere else. I suggested The Second Cup, because I could have gone for some cappuccino, but instead we ended up at Pizza Hut. I was just tired of everything, because I'm so infinitely sick of doing what everyone else wants me to.. so instead of ordering pizza I insisted on alcohol.

To make a long story short, I was a little tipsy after two vodka cooler's, one 5% alcohol the other 7%. I mean, I never drink, so it was enough to make me at least a little odd.. and I f$*@#ing hate myself for it, so much, to the point that I'd like to cry about it, well, I am. I'm so mad at the people who keep wanting me to do something else.. I was so happy just sitting here, going for a walk outside (planning out one of my dreamy content filled letters for one noder I've already chosen in my "who want's a.." thing), but everyone else wanted to go out and I got dragged along.

I mean I know it was my fault but god damn I hate that so much.. my words are me, if I can't form a proper sentence than I'm just not me anymore, and I wasn't, and it makes me so incredibly sad that I did it at all. I was so proud of myself for never even getting anywhere close to drunk, and I fucked it up, I've lost all respect for myself, and it's not as if I had an abundance of it in the first place.

I guess you learn from your mistakes, and I have, but it was so stupid, so so stupid.. and I wish to god there was someone to tell me it was alright, that I haven't just done the stupidest thing ever.. but I did, I know I did. And now here I am, whining again, yes, whining.. "Why must you whine?".. because I'm sad, I'm very sad, alright? It's alright though.. 'cause I just realized something..

There you are, you.. always there just exactly when I need you the most.. hm.. it really can't be coincidental.

I've learned my little lesson, any way.. alcohol really is a depressant. I guess I didn't really believe that until just now.. but there they are, the stars that change my mind, floating around up in the sky.

Dreadfully sorry for that, I'll refrain from alcohol use from this point on, honestly.

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