OK, so you've decided to let a cat into your life.

The most popular way to do this is to get a kitten, which means, often finding someone with a kindle of kittens, and eyeballing each one to find the "right" kitten.

The easiest way to do this is to call the kittens. The standard "Here, kitty.." will do. The first cat to reach your hand, given that all the standard kitteh benchmarks of health (pretty eyes, no sneezing, no worms or obvious flaws) are in place, is the best kitten. There are various reasons to do so. First, the first kitten will, more than likely, be the healthiest and most likely to regard primates as a surrogate Mom. Secondly, they will probably be more than sociable, and want to go home with you, now, if not sooner. This is your standard all-around cat, who will more than grace the household where she is placed.

OK, so you didn't get pick of the litter. The rest should be drowned, right? No.

All right, you fell for the Shy cat. Shy kittehs will spend the next few weeks in a small neurotic ball, only eating/drinking/excreting when you're not looking. After what seems like several millenia, they will start liking you. You. Only you. Anyone coming into the house, will see a brown/black/orange streak in place of a cat. Meanwhile, she'll fasten on to you like a limpet. If you live alone, it will be like having an imaginary friend all over again: every evening, she'll be standing by the door, your favorite roommate, your constant and unconditionally loving shadow, she'll follow you from room to room, falling asleep only when you do, with her head on your chest, where she can hear your heart beat. Otherwise, you'll get a small neurotic ball, that is only seen by the infrared webcams you'll set up to make sure she's still breathing.

Oh, ho, so you got the Quirky cat! He's got claws (and knows how to use them) and fangs (ditto)! After he's shredded the sofa, the curtains, and the lace tablecloth, he'll start on you! Ho-ho! Blood is so pretty, if it's not your own! He'll challenge any livestock on the property, relieve himself anyplace he feels like it, yowl lustily and feel free to jump on the counters and chow down on anything he pleases! You'll learn to keep a small arsenal of paperback books, or at least a water gun, beside you at all times, while he learns that being pleasant gets him catnip, grooming, and maybe kitteh treats. Soon he'll mellow into a small D'Artagnan, rubbing genially against you even as you survey his latest atrocity, and keep your household free of mice, rats, squirrels, moles, voles, large dogs and small children, while all the while being a major (though endearing) pain in the backside.

OK, so you went for the Special Needs Kitteh. You and she will have a short, very emotional and very expensive relationship as she develops one condition after another, all the while looking up to you with pleading eyes that say "Will it hurt?" and "You won't ask for them to kill me this time, will you?". You will learn many, many medical procedures of pilling and injection, until she dies, at which point, you will go into a tailspin, while no one else can understand a) why you're so depressed, and b) why you want another kitten, now, if not sooner.

So, pick your cat, and do so wisely. They're all great cats, as long as you understand them.

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