I would have preferred a meal at Juan's Flying Burrito but I didn't want to deal with everything that comes with a sit down meal, especially since I am alone. I only do the solo meal in public on the weekends, the times where I can and usually do get away with being left alone for an entire day and night. I didn't want to have to wait for a booth small enough to justify my lonesome, didn't want to wait for the slacker employees to grace me with their presence, since I already know what I want before I even sit down and don't see the point in waiting for a Coke so huge I could never finish it. I didn't want to get the real experience of eating alone on me.

Even when I'm picking up lunch for more than just me at work, I always take the drive thru. I like having control on my environment when I wait for food that isn't really food. I can maintain my temperature and music choices and I don't have to stand there like an idiot waiting with nothing to look at but the menu that I don't need and employees that I don't really even need. I can get it my damn self if it's going to take any longer.

All I knew tonight was that I was hungry and that I had no palatable food in the apartment and that leaves few options when you don't want to sit down and drag out the whole affair of eating. But that's pretty much my mindset any time I eat these days. Food has lost most of its social meaning to me right now, but thank goodness I drink alcohol and coffee with company.

I see the families in the cars around me and wonder if this is how parents feed their kids most often these days, as we get busier with the things that mean the least to us. Simply by not even caring to make time for preparing a meal can cause the most intense imbalances in people's lives, I think.

I remember a few days ago I was sent out on a errand to buy daiquiris for the men in the body and paint shops and they had a drive thru. You could tell it was an afterthought because it was lodged between the walls of two buildings. At the opening, there were all these black scuff marks at bumper level where people had missed their mark. At the other end, there was a telephone pole almost dead center and the whole set up made you wonder why drive thru bars seemed like such a good idea. I didn't know what to tip her, since I've never even thought to tip at a drive thru, but since it's expected to give something for alcohol, I gave her $7 for $50 in drinks she handed over in a big cardboard box that tequila had been once packaged in. She saw the company logo on my shirt and hat and asked if they let us drink on the job. I lied and said that we were about to close so, no, not really. In truth we had 2 hours left before we closed, but when it's as hot as it's been this week, I don't think anyone really cared at that point.

Sometimes, you just don't want to be human for 20 minutes. You just want to be automated in a car, going through an assembly line of exchanges with people who are so inhuman that it actually complements the scenario. When they actually speak something more than what you owe them or smile, it almost takes you back. Sometimes you don't want to deal with people, or yourself. You just want to stuff your face and forget about being human for a while, and so, you do, you can. You know you will be required to human again soon enough, that there's no shortage of life you will have to deal with. So you take those anonymous moments when you can. I take them to the drive thru.

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