there is a sound that hurts.
it's a screech that can bring me to my knees.
it makes me want to scream but i've already lost control of my body.
there is the taste of copper heavy in my mouth.
i see sounds and hear colours and smell feelings.
then
the world goes checkerboard.
then
dead dark.
i cannot see and i cannot hear and i cannot feel.
i can still think --
for a moment, anyway.

oh no, it's happening again.
why here? why now?
the sound hurts. make it go away.
is my soul leaving my body?
is this death?
am i being punished?
will i wake up?
then nothing.

nothing.
nothing.
nothing.

"are you okay? can you hear me?"
"stay still. it's okay."

in the blink of an eye i have lived through five minutes without experiencing time.
time that i can't remember
and can't get back.

just leave me alone. i am so tired.
my muscles ache and my jaw is so sore.
did i hit my head on something? it hurts.
i still hear the screech.
like a train trying to stop on a dime.
but it's getting quieter.
go away, i don't want you to see me like this.
like a baby, i wet myself.
you utter words of understanding.
but you CAN'T understand
and deep down you're glad it's not you
peeing on yourself.
your words are appreciated,
but really -- just let me be.
i'll be okay in an hour.

if i said i was a freak, you'd say no i'm not.
but i am.

there is a lightning storm in my head
that sometimes allows me to see the world
from a unique perspective.
it hurts --
but every gift has a price.
the power that created the universe
put this in my head.
to make me different than you.

Sei"zure (?), n.

1.

The act of seizing, or the state of being seized; sudden and violent grasp or gripe; a taking into possession; as, the seizure of a thief, a property, a throne, etc.

2.

Retention within one's grasp or power; hold; possession; ownership.

Make o'er thy honor by a deed of trust, And give me seizure of the mighty wealth. Dryden.

3.

That which is seized, or taken possession of; a thing laid hold of, or possessed.

 

© Webster 1913.

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