everything dissolves away, like shreds of coloured tissue paper in the rain...the void is coming through in waves...mad and remorseless as Eris Herself, am i just a hallucinatory manifestation of my own pituitary gland? i realise i write flippantly so often in an attempt not to annihilate others of my own kind. destruction of one's own forces is never entirely wise... there are implications and innuendoes... suggestions of possible content smeared throughout the publicly consumable pages of my texts, but i avoid veiled content; those chunks of information only decipherable by a properly tuned mind. you never know when you'll hit a mind that is well strung, but cold enough to crack under the heat of recognition. i will not slay the dragons of my own house.

the body never really got used to the presence of the void...or is it the absence of everything...? there still follow fits of tremors and uncontrollable sobbing at the drop of a hat...the synesthesia returns with a vengeance and everything is too loud, too bright, too grape, too gritty... i've always fought it before, never the courage, never the time... and every time, i have come out calmer and more global than i went in... perhaps i will indulge it this time. i am old, and wise unto myself, but there are greater understandings that want my attention. times, dates, occurences, processes... i see them all, but i can't make sense of it. like being born...or more like hatched...so much signal, it makes its own noise.

staving it off now, immersed in an audio cocoon... listening to jesus jones with the bass turned all the way up... the roiling plasm of a rhythmically compressed environment lulls the wounded mind to near-stasis. it is from this static point, this island in the tempest, that i write this...

she turns her head to one man

you brought this dream, with your ways and your words; i can still hear you in the back of my head...a thousand memories of things i never thought i'd think again; flavours and sounds, visions of the water... and knowing you exist, i have the strength of mind to stop resisting...at least for a little while... i wish i could see you before the questions for your answers fade out of the vision...

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