/me trembles...

nocodeforparanoia stood on the hill, having finally escaped the clutches of the EDB. "Fucking borg." he mumbled incoherently. "Good thing I taste like anise and tobacco. Can't keep me down. Always gags."

Looking up through the wasteland, he could see two shapes coming up over the next rise. It was dragoon and dannye, with nagging msgs raised!

/msg "That was inappropriate!!! Don't be an abusive dick!" came flying out of dragoon's /msg-60.

/msg "I'M GONNA NUKE 'EM ALL, YOU ARROGANT LITTLE BASTARD!!" fired across the valley from the barrel of dannye's mini-nuker.

"Damn. It's gonna be a rough night." grumbled nocode, diving for cover behind a couple of shitty old nodes. "They can take the hit." nocode stood and fired back:

/msg "Then nuke them for all I care, you dirty old farts!"

Having appeased the terrible two, nocode raced over hills and through valleys in search of the dreaded dem_bones, when suddenly, he was blasted by a huge bolt of logic and wisdom. It was sensei.

"Sensei! How could you!" our hero cried. "You, the protector of the weak and foolish! Surely I am foolish enough to warrant some pity from you! Do not blast me aside, I beg!"

"You are indeed foolish, but you intend to take on the editors. This I cannot allow. You force me to make my 27 year old cat restrain you and lick your face off." With that, sensei disappeared in a puff of sanity, leaving our hero in the clutches of the vast cloud cat, Dai-un.

"Please don't lick my face off! PLEEEASE!!!" , shrieked our quivering hero. "Liick yooo? jeeeeezzb, man, I woulDN"t fztuch yoO! Yooo smeLLl lyk a staaal carrtun of paLl maLLs." And with that, the cat took off, coughing uncontrollably, leaving our hero to continue his journey.

nocode came to a halt. It was the dreaded wharfinger. But wharf didn't really care one way or the other, just as long as nocode didn't get in his way.

Running fiercely across the wasteland, nocode suddenly realized that he was desperately in need of food, so he stopped off at WickerNipple's for some industrial plastic snacks, and continued on his way.

Looking around, nocode could feel that he was getting closer. The quality of the nodes around him was getting higher and higher. There was a strange tension in the air. He stopped dead still and listened closely. What was that he could hear?

It was "I Will Survive".

"Come on out, discofever", nocode called into the forest of nodes, "I know you're here."

"Why, nocode, why? Why couldn't you have just organized your stuff better? Why'd you have to be so inflammatory? I'm sorry it's come to this, but I'll do what I have to." That familiar rebuking voice came out of the trees.

"Shit." Replied our hero, spinning around, searching for the source of the voice. "Shit, shit, shit, shit..."

"But first, this is my song."

nocode took off and didn't look back.

Then, he was there. The big skeletal dude himself. dem_bones stood before him, appearing as if from nowhere.

"You have been a naughty, naughty little noder, nocodeforparanoia. This is not acceptable. Time to pay."

dem_bones lifted our hero by the neck and threw him to the ground. He then stood on nocode's chest with one foot and hopped up and down. nocode could feel the life slipping from his poor broken body, when out of the clouds came a voice. It was the voice of nate.

"Okay, okay, bones. Let him go. If I really thought he was that naughty, I'd have fried him long ago. He's a pain in the ass sometimes, but then, so are you. I'll just zap him occasionally to keep him in line."

Visibly frustrated, dem_bones released nocode and walked off to the Cool Archive to sulk.

"AHHHHH!" nocode sat up in bed, covered in sweat. "Fuck, man. No more pizza after midnight for me. Time to go node..."


I really hope everybody involved takes this well. I think I'm on pretty good terms with everyone in this. I guess I'll find out what kind of sense of humor they all have.



UPDATE: OCT 31, 2005

Well, this is sure weird. I had totally forgotten this node existed until today. Weirder still is that almost all of the gods I included in this node are gone, either fled or retired from god-dom.

dragoon hasn't been seen for nearly two years.
dannye is still a fixture here, but has retired from his duties.
discofever is apparently around, but hasn't even noded anything in a year.
and of course, /me misses sensei.

I hope this doesn't have anything to do with me.

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