This is heavy stuff but this is mainly about perfectionism and basically punishing myself so so so much whenever I do something wrong, like any mistake equates to damnation. I think I'm getting better about it but I'm just... I hate constantly worrying if I'm going to burn in purgatory for having "forbidden" feelings or acting on them. Christianity is a pathology that I have adopted and internalized and likely will continue to do so as long as I live.
It's also about how hope remains, no matter how withered and smothered, no matter how much I rot and fester, there is always hope.
bilious, festering, shrouded in tears
moth to flame, iron to rust
terrible, ruined prayers
choking, heaving, pushed out like dust
sinners wreathed in hellfire
embers dancing, breathing, eternal
souls perfected in sin
fickle, fleeting bodies
smothered with smoke
gagged, forced to choke
love remains, hope persists
I recognize the light,
as my soul takes flight,
tarnished by night, by blight
bilious, festering, shrouded in tears,
fate twists me, tempts me, leers
hope remains.