A terrible, TERRIBLE website.

Found at www.globalpetroleum.com, this website combines JavaScript, Java, and horrendous site design to create a very... umm, memorable... effect. If you wanted to know how to do a neat Javascript trick (ahem), this is the site to visit!

Upon entering the site, you are presented with a pop-up window from that site (i.e., not an ad -- it just displays an animated GIF). You hear a man's voice saying "Thank you". The title of the page starts off small, but it grows and shrinks on a separate layer from the page so that the other links and such on the page are blocked by the "text selection" I-cursor when the title is enormous.

You'll also notice that you can't right click. In fact, when you try to do so, it informs you: "Security warning: This is a protected site. You can't right click. Trying again will freeze your screen!" If you then right-click again, the JavaScript program goes into an infinite loop where it keeps messageboxing "You must restart your computer". Of course, you can ctrl-alt-del and kill your browser, but these people seem to want to punish you for visiting their site. Technically, the loop isn't infinite: the function calls itself rather than iterating, so if you click enough, it'll eventually overflow the call stack.

Of course, that's just the index page. There's a small "next" link at the bottom of the page. You click, and you are informed that you are a certain visitor number. On this page is also a JavaScript app that explodes an image into parts. This image then reconstitutes, but it's a different image! It's essentially a slideshow, using the same obnoxious transition between each meaningless image.

Let me give you an example of the incredible skill of the Web designers. This is an actual quote from the source of the page:

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                        <p align="right"> </p>

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What the hell? I mean, WHAT THE HELL?!

*deep breath* Okay, the 'next' button leads to another page where the title is constantly resizing -- but this time, the title's not a separate layer. So EVERY ITEM ON THE PAGE oscillates up... and down... and up... and down... except for the Oil Sticker image, which floats on a separate layer and bounces around the screen, on top of everything.

This page has a neat little calculator. You can type in your miles, your gallons, and it gives you your miles per gallon. Then, you can copy the "miles per gallon" value into a separate box, and click a button, and it tells you how much you'll increase your miles per gallon if you buy this product.

The 'next' button gets smaller and smaller, you'll notice. But when you click it, the next page's JavaScript message box tells you "Page loading, please waite!", and a woman says "Processing". You click OK, and you get their main page. The only annoying JavaScript thing is the sticker which stays behind your cursor constantly. There are a ton of links from this page, and it's hard to tell which are legit, because they keep updating the status bar. Most of these links, however, lead to actual content -- there are many, many pages of content.

All right, I'll leave you with this:

Speed
Our site is best accessed with a modem that is 56 baud or higher. The faster your computer's processing speed (Min. 120 Mghtz) and the larger your memory, the faster you can download our site.
56 BAUD??? I don't know whether this site was made by twelve-year-olds (about 50 of them, judging by the amount of content, of which there is a TON) or by professionals (fucking stupid professionals). If you really want someone to LEAVE your website, do it like these people did.

Okay, one more thing. The "Customer Order Form", which they claim, is secure, is not. They let you type in your own prices, including sales tax (they give you the percentage, and provide a convenient JavaScript calculator at the bottom for calculating it, with sin, cos, and tan for convenience). And the form calls "FormMail.cgi", so it presumably MAILS this order form. How retarded.

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