In elementary school, I recieved near Straight As (I always got a B in handwriting). However, come 5th grade I recieved one C. I nearly cried myself to sleep that night. I was very critical when it came to my grades. Although at the time I wasn't really aware of it, I later realized that this was due to the attention that I got from my mother, and her friends, who would always smile and say I was a perfect little boy.

When I was thrown into middle school, I was introduced to six week periods and multiple classes per day. I was in the High Strides program, which meant that all of my classes were more challenging. I was required to do 2 projects with a poster board and report every six weeks (One for math, one for science). I worked very hard, but by the third six weeks, I snapped. I wasn't recieving the same attention from my mother and her friends anymore either, now I was accepted as a responsible kid and only praised when I got awards (standards raised). For the first time in my life, I recieved a D in a class. It was fairly downhill from there.

Each bad grade discouraged me more then the last, creating a steamroller effect. I barely managed the C average neccesary to stay in the High Strides program. I am now a Freshman in high school. It's been a rough transition, but I'm finally starting to adjust, despite my still low grades. Yet, that has begun to change due to the "effort through passion transition".

My motivation when going through my earlier schools was a passion, the love of attention. Never, did I have my own goals or ideals. To draw an example, in the movie Lawrence of Arabia, one Arabian leader points out the key difference between him and Lawrence, he is merciful out of politeness, while Lawrence is merciful out of passion. Later in the movie, Lawrence snaps, and massacres an entire army, even the women.

My previous efforts were fueled by the happiness I recieved from others when I pleased them, but I have now made the transition, and have reprogrammed my brain with new logic. I will use my own desire to fuel my effort, and as a byproduct and added bonus, someday I may once again recieve a little bit of extra fuel from attention. Never again however, will it be my primary resource.

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