A man who, when in a public toilet, chooses to urinate in a cubicle rather than using the urinal. He is called a "pretender" because he is implicitly claiming that a number two is imminent when in fact he just wants to avoid the embarrassment of urinating in view of others. Such behaviour is often construed as evidence of a manliness deficit. Real men pee in public.

Note that it is not a misdemeanour to use a cubicle if the urinal is so full that using it would require rubbing shoulders with your neighbour. To gain extra credit in this situation, however, it can help to leave the cubicle door open while urinating: this says to the world, I am dedicated to peeing in front of other men by whatever means is necessary.

Most men have been cubicle pretenders at some point in their lives. The reasons are various:

  • They suspect that a fart may escape when they begin to urinate, and would prefer to do this in private
  • Studies have proven that embarrassment, such as that experienced when one's personal space is invaded while one is holding one's penis, causes the sphincter to tighten. This can lead to the horrible situation where a man stands frozen, listening to the happy splashing of his neighbour peeing, but unable to start the flow himself. Worse still, your neighbour knows that you're not succeeding, and he knows why, and he knows that you know that he knows
  • Men are often afraid that:
    • Someone may glimpse their penis
    • They may glimpse someone else's penis
    • They will thoughtlessly glance sideways, see nothing, but cause the person next to them to think that their penis is being stared at

In extreme cases, a man will walk into a completely empty toilet but still choose the cubicle to avoid the possibility of someone else coming in and standing next to him mid-pee.

There are doubtless many more subtleties to be explored regarding this issue, however the shameful dearth of government funding for urine-related psychological studies may leave us in the dark for many years to come.

I believe that the term "cubicle pretender" may have been coined by The Sandman, a well-known comedian on Australian television and radio. Confirmation of this would be appreciated.

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