Maybe it's because I'm a real big nerd, but I love demographics, especially when they apply to consumer markets. Such as, what products are advertized during which programs, and the format of these commercials.

Wording is key. "I love what you do for me, Toyota" wasn't working anymore, as it implied that only a selfish American consumer would purchase a foreign car. So now Toyota is "Everyday People," complete with a diddy most of us know the words to. So we can conveniently hum along after we turn off the television.

WHAT? Turn OFF the television? Blasphemer!

All this for the sake of revenue at least makes sense. But there are some commercials that just get under my skin in a big way.

"Mom's like you choose Jif." If you don't choose Jif, you're not a member of this club and you should be ashamed of yourself. NO! I don't care if you draw little hearts in the Skippy, you're NOT a good mother... Can I borrow those capri pants?

And let's not forget the loads of ads depicting domestic "reality" that make me push mute faster than you can say "Mr. Clean."

I present the bumbling idiot husband commercials. One particular Healthy Living Cookbook ad shows a man entering the kitchen, preoccupied with is pants, heading off to win some bread. "Thanks for letting these pants out, hon. They fit great." Kiss on the cheek, man exits stage.

Wife winks at her all-knowing housewife audience and says, "I didn't take those pants out. He's actually lost four inches in his waist. With the Spankety Spankin Cookbook, the food is so good, he doesn't even know he's on a diet."

Now maybe I'm just lucky, but the men in my life are NOT retarded. And I have a sneaking suspicion that the majority of the male population is actually quite intelligent. Or at the very least, would know if they lost a significant amount of weight.

Commercial fathers are even more insulting to the male race. Thank heaven for individually wrapped hot dogs and Instant instant macaroni and cheese or the kids would starve to death while Mom's away.

Of course she'll either be at a PTA meeting or the Mervyn's 2-day sale, because where else would she be?

Of course, the trip outside the house might make the 'fam' feel a little neglected. To make it up to Timmy and Suzie, give 'em Lunchables at school tomorrow. They've been wishing and hoping for tiny stacks of sodium and nitrate on a cracker.

Good Mommy.

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