The events described here are true.
Names have been changed because.
THE ACTS OF THE DETOUR
according to the Chief Wombat
1. In the beginning there was void, and otaku moved across the face of the void, some to Chicago and some to Iowa and some to both as the spirit moved them.
2. But there was no convention in the void, until J and T said, "Let there be Con".
3. Yet there was no con, but rather many meetings in Chicago and Iowa, and great drunkening, and much discussion.
4. In the fullness of time there came unto Iowa a wombat.
5. He was old and yet not grey, he was large and slow, but most importantly he was willing to watch the beer keg in the Con Suite and card all who approached it, saying to the elders "You may drink" and to the youth "You may not drink; also, stop flaunting your body, for it pleases me not."
6. Therefore, since he was too old and slow to be a badger, he was called the Beer Wombat.
7. And it came to pass that there was a meeting in Iowa, at which J and T proclaimed the coming of a con unto Minneapolis, and there was much rejoicing.
8. The Wombat attended this meeting, and joined in the rejoicing, for it was right and just.
9. Eventually there were meetings in Minneapolis also, held in the Holy School of MCAD.
10. And the otaku said, "Let there be a company, so that in case the convention fails, we are not stripped of all our money and Hello Kitty DVDs."
11. This was agreed, but none of the otaku were willing to do the paperwork, for truly it was cryptic and onerous. Finally the Wombat volunteered, for he was then role-playing as an accountant in the org chart of a bank, and such paperwork was easy for him.
12. Thus it came about that when the roles were granted that the Wombat was appointed Treasurer and Vice-President, for he alone was willing to endure the bureaucratic labors attached to these roles.
13. And papers were filed with the State, and money paid, and soon there was a Company, and the otaku saw that it was good.
14. And money was collected and names taken, and meetings held, and Plans were Made.
15. It was at this time that B, First of the Secretaries, chose the Airport Marriott as the convention's home, and this was approved of.
16. It was also at this time that J2, who would soon play a Large Part in things, said, "Let us call our convention Anime Detour, for all the other names suggested are lame and full of fail." The otaku saw that this was Wisdom, and concurred.
17. And money was collected and names taken, and meetings held, and Guests were invited.
18. And the number of otaku on staff did increase.
19. As fall approached, J and B approached the Wombat with great unhappiness, saying, "T is an enormous asshole, and we can no longer work with him."
20. The Wombat agreed that this was the case, yet since the number of the staff was still too few, he begged them to remain.
21. This they would not do, though they did not demand refunds, and said they would return someday.
22. And despite this drama, money was collected and names taken, and meetings held, and progress continued.
23. The winter came, and T-shirts were ordered. G and J3 brought forth a Cosplay, and the staff agreed that this was good.
24. The winter passed, and soon the Time of the Convention arrived.
1. Now the Wombat was exceeding sore and tired, for he had entered all six hundred and sixty pre-registered members with his own hands. Yet not only did the task of dispensing money fall upon him, but also the retrieval of a ginormous television for Video.
2. Having failed miserably at this, for the truck had no ramp and was too small in any case, he arrived at the hotel and was greeted by the staff with great excitement, and fear, and Drama.
3. "The hotel demands more money," the staff cried, "and yet we all know there is no money."
4. And the Wombat was greatly wroth, for he had paid the deposit as specified in the contract, and knew no money was owed until after the convention.
5. And he uttered vile oaths at the treachery of the Marriott sales staff.
6. Therefore he said unto the Marriott desk clerks, "You shall arrange for me a meeting with my sales rep and your manager, for I am greatly wroth."
7. And they regarded him with fear and loathing, but did his bidding, for his visage was stern and his voice like iron.
8. Thus the Wombat retired to bed, plotting vengeance against those who would tamper with the Sacred Contract that bound Detour to the Marriott, and the Marriott to Detour.
9. On the morning of the first day of Detour, the Wombat arose from his restless slumber, filled with hate.
10. He went into the meeting, where the sales manager and sales rep awaited him with the hotel manager, and over breakfast did accuse them of taking the name of J. Willard Marriott in vain, and violating the Sacred Contract by demanding money to which they had no claim.
11. And the Marriott staff were greatly perplexed by this, for they had taken the Wombat to be a clueless n00b, innocent of the ways of business.
12. And they replied that the charges were not in the contract since they were the custom of the hotel tribe.
13. To which the Wombat replied that this custom had not been explained to him, for if it had he would surely have insisted on it being written in the contract.
14. Further, the Wombat objected, the additional charges for the conference rooms were too high, since they should have been included in the function space.
15. To this the sales rep had no answer. His manager therefore did save him by directing him to amend the contract to the Wombat's satisfaction.
16. This he then did, and all were in agreement, and not only did the Wombat get a free breakfast of excellent quality, but he saved Detour from having to pay many thousands of dollars, which did not then exist.
17. Only then did he go forth to tame the herds of restless otaku in the lobby, putting on his Registration hat.
18. For lo, the otaku waiting in the lobby were numbered in the hundreds, and the Marriott desk clerks knew fear.
19. The Wombat went forth into the lobby, and spake unto the otaku: "You must become organized into lines; the pre-registered here and the unregistered there.
20. And you shall fill out the forms given you, and make way for the other guests, so they may check in and out."
21. And there was organization, and lines, and much jumping through the butt when the Wombat's Excel-fu proved full of fail and the badges likewise. Then it was that the volunteers sat upon the floor with scissors and created badges in many interesting shapes, some of them even rectangular, and these were issued, with staples and duct tape applied in great quantity.
22. Yet despite these failures, many otaku were registered, numbering in the thousands, and they went forth to enjoy the convention.
23. And they watched the videos, and sat in panels, and played games, and became lost searching for the Bemani suite and the consuite.
24. Many of the otaku were n00bs, and knew not the way of conventions: they did not recognize the consuite as a source of drinks and snacks, nor did they sleep as they should have.
25. Therefore these n00bs did collapse from lack of sleep and sustenance, and the staff wailed and gnashed their teeth at the foolishness of the n00bs.
26. Despite all this there was great rejoicing and celebration, and even the asshats of the night staff could not depress the high spirits. (Much.)
27. Among the n00bs were two volunteers from St. Cloud, stalwart and crazed, who manned the video rooms for thirty-six hours. And they became known as the Video Boys.
28. When Reverend J, lone master of Security and a mickle man, discovered this, he was much wroth. He spake unto the Video Boys: Get thee to thy room and sleep, for if I see you up and around I shall do thus and so to you. Recognizing him as a mickle man and powerful, the Video Boys went forth and slept. When they woke their madness and commitment were rewarded, for the Wombat did say: none have volunteered like these two, and we shall reward them -this once- with the Free Memberships we once swore never to give out. And all the staff agreed that -this once- it was a just reward.
29. Many other acts of virtue, hard work, and desperate improvisation occurred in these times.