When I think about what Teen Adventure protagonists are like versus what actual people are like, I feel sorry for any real person who would find themselves in world that gave rise to Teen Adventurers.

Just think about how that meeting would go.

RP: What the hell do you mean, you're skipping school to do international spy adventures?

YA: The world needs saving all the time.

RP: And the adults are making you do it? No, you are absolutely not handling this yourself. You're getting back into that classroom and completing your studies and being safe.

YA: You honestly think you can make me?

RP: I can certainly call the fucking truancy officer! Where the hell are your parents anyway?

YA: Both dead.

RP: Oh, I'm sorry. Don't you have any other relatives?

YA: Also dead. My family's nemesis was pretty thorough. So now he's my nemesis.

RP: Do you have any adults in your life?

YA: My spy handlers.

RP: Does that mean you just live alone?

YA: Sort of? I live in my dad's seaside cottage with my monkey and my horse. And my friends visit now and then.

RP: Your friends' parents can't adopt you?

YA: My spy handlers say it wouldn't be safe.

RP: Your fucking spy handlers obviously don't a shit about your safety.

YA: I mean safe for the parents. Didn't I tell you I have a nemesis?

RP: Jesus fucking Christ. This is beyond the pay grade of Child Protective Services. Maybe I ought to call on God for this one...wait, shit, not the Catholic church. You know what? Here's what we'll do. I'll disguise myself as you and do your stupid job, and you can go to school and be with your friends and just be a freaking kid for once in your overstressed life.

YA: You want to tell me about overstressed? At least when I'm on a mission I don't have to have to worry about grades!

RP: You actually do, it's just that the grade is pass/fail and the penalty for failure is death.

YA: Death and the destruction of the world. I'm well aware of the stakes.

RP: And you think it's at all fair that all this shit is on your shoulders? This is a job for adults! Your dumbass spy handlers need to be getting actual adults to do this job! No, not even "need to be", this entire business of grabbing a random fifteen-year-old --

YA: Fourteen.

RP: Why am I not fucking surprised. Look, kid. I want to stress that part. Kid. You are being manipulated. If these freaking spy handlers actually have all their efforts riding on you then they're complete idiots, and if not, they're using you because you're at an age where it's easy to play on your pride and lure you along with dreams of glory. This is how militaries recruit youngsters to get shot and die in wars. They want people who don't know how to stand up for themselves yet. That's your situation. I don't care if you have a nemesis, these spy handlers should be taking care of him with all the resources they have. I don't care how much you're being paid to do this, it's not okay.

YA: They said I'm too young to be legally paid so they've got the money in a trust fund.

RP: Oh, sure they do. Alright, that does it, I'm someone's nemesis now. You get the hell on that school bus and I'll take care of this shit myself.

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