Press Release - For Immediate Distribution

Why Bad Things Happen to Good People.


It has, of late, been brought to our attention that many members of the public are not satisfied with our distribution policy. To put to rest any discontent or rumours of corruption, we have organised a committee made up of some of the leading experts in the field, to analyse the equity issues of our misfortune distrubution.

Unfortunately, in the report (available to order in full from the address below), it was decided that it was not financially viable to alter our policy.

We understand that the public believes that bad luck, mishaps, unfortunate events, calamitous happenings, and other such 'bad things', should be limited to those who, through fault of their own, have inflicted such suffering as to deserve them.

While we make every effort to make a complete analysis of each customer's moral background, there are significant issues in both cost and time. In our busy periods, such as Christmas or New Year's Eve, such detailed analysis is simply impractical, and we are often forced to resort to a random selection process to meet our daily quota in time.

We ask that good people, instead of getting revenge against the perceived wrongdoers, maintain the moral high ground, and our Fair Play Department will attempt to redress the balance as soon as possible.

If you still have any complaints, please write to the address below, and mark your envelopes "For the Attention of the Complaints Department".

We hope that this has answered your queries, and cleared up those nasty rumours about discrimination about those who have annoyed our employees.

Yours faithfully,

B. Vedanta,
Director of Public Relations,
Universal Karma Ltd.


Address all correspondence to:
Universal Karma Ltd.
Office B,
Upan Ishad Business Estate,
Sanchita,
India

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