"the Scourge of Injustice"
Secret Satellite #9
Stratosphere, Planet Earth
EXPERIENCE: For over 25 years, have maintained a constant vigil to protect the good citizens of Colossal City, serving as guardian and hero. Well-versed in creative deconstruction of city infrastructure to foil wrongdoers.
SPECIAL SKILLS: Possesses the strength of one hundred men, telescopic vision, and limited powers of levitation.
HONORS: Received a bronze plaque from the mayor of Colossal City for rescuing his wife four times: two separate occasions of extracting her from the clutches of one highly-deranged mad scientist, sweeping her away from one collapsing dam, and absorbing the blows of an emotionally distraught admirer at a ship launching ceremony.
REFERENCES: available upon request
“Well, Mr. Surge . . .”
“Power Surge, Scourge of Injustice.”
“Yes, er, Mr. Power Surge, this is an impressive resume, but how do you see your skills meshing with a city like Tepidopolis?”
“Well, it seems to me that my skills are adaptable to the needs of most metropolitan areas subject to the dangers of attacks from giant radioactive lizards, mad scientists bent on world domination, you know, that kind of thing. I am constantly vigilant, I am easily accessible by the Power Signal . . .”
“Yes, yes, but have you any experience with violent religious extremists? I mean, gigantic lizards haven't been much of a problem in, what? Thirty, forty years, have they?”
“Yes, but, certainly, my overall experience with supernatural and other-worldly threats has to count for something, doesn't it?”
“Mr. Surge . . .”
“You may also call me the Scourge of Injustice."
“Um, no, sorry, I can't. OK. Um, I know of your work, and you have done an admirable job of saving your former home of Colossal City from all kinds of late-twentieth century threats, but it's a different world now. Our city is faced with different . . .”
“But I can DO this job! Just give me a chance!”
“Look, we've already had applicants today that have . . . Now, I like you, I know your work. Hell, as a kid I followed your exploits against the Creeping Green Vapor, the Red Sickle Cyclists and even the Looming Pink Limp-Wristed Catastrophe, and I'd really like to give you this position, but the qualifications, as well as the needs of our city today are based less on past performance and more on market needs. Let's say I can find a guy with the strength of, um, twenty five men, can kinda read minds, but is really mostly sorta perceptive of people's personality types, and knows how to take out a diabolical intergalactic super-villain while at the same time spinning the results of the expected carnage to be acceptable to both the self-righteous, flag waving, finger-pointing right-wing shouters, as well as the tree-hugging, namby-pamby, politically correct left-wing hand-wringers. Now THAT'S a super hero, baby!”
“You mean it's not enough that I can single-handedly save a city from destruction at the hands of an insane super genius, that I must be accountable for some downed power lines, maybe a few wrecked busses . . . how can a few measly city service interruptions measure against the vanquishing of an intergalactic threat of EPIC PROPORTIONS?!”
“Easy, easy, there, big guy. Now, listen, no decision has been made yet. I think you've got a shot at this position, but I can't promise anything. But let me give you a little piece of advice: Can we update the costume at all? I mean, look at basketball uniforms these days. A few years ago it was all about kind-of cartoony logos, like the Houston Rockets, with that goofy rocket ship thing. Now a simplified, classic look is happening. Maybe you could come up with an open collared double-knit sport shirt look, you know, casual, but powerful . . . and about the hairline, there's all sorts of new treatments . . . HEY, HEY, put down the desk! C'mon, let's calm down now, or I'll have to call security . . .”