Political Correctness


I found this a couple of years ago while reading in Baxter's book and thought that a lot of people here might really enjoy this.

It’s coming! Political Correctness in the Animal Kingdom! I have conferred with those fervent homogenizers of the once colorful and descriptive English language to formulate the following list:

Stray Dog : Both words are unacceptable. They imply that a four-legged mongrel is subsisting as vagrant. We have chosen the term Misdirected Wagamorph.

Mustang : Definitely out! Associated too much with a greedy automotive corporation. We are going to protect them into extinction. They are henceforth called Adoptable Equine Derivatives.

Killer Whales : Need I say more? The name suggests that these beautiful creatures would rather kill and eat living things than down a kelp burger in the shape of a baby seal. We’re calling then the Masked Cetacea.

Fat Steers : Entirely out. No slur shall be make about their weight or their sexual predicament. Each cattle buyer will now deal in Ready Edibles. No, that won’t work either, can’t mention bulls. How ‘bout Ripened Ruminants?

Quarter Horse : No chance. The hypersensitive could interpret that to mean he’s three quarters something else. I’ve coined the term Dollar Horse.

Polled Hereford : Come on now! Wouldn’t it be less discriminatory to rename them the Unhorned Himherford?

Too many of our creatures were named by that original chauvinist, Adam, with unconscious patronizing to sex, gender, race, religion, size, handicap, mental state, congenital deformity, or odd behavior.
Consider how insensitive we are to call something a nanny goat, a laying hen, a preying mantis, a peafowl, a woodpecker, a short nosed sucker, or a turkey.
I admit I’ve been called a turkey, but I thought it was a step up from a dodo.
But if we truly are worried about the Politically Correctness fad, what are we gonna call a cowboy? A Two-Legged Ungulate Overperson? Why not?

“Git along, little Disenfranchised Mobile Nurture Seeker.”

Baxter Black from Cactus Tracks and Cowboy Philosophy

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