Two Gentlemen on Veronica

A cube farm. Enter Helmut and Nerdquo.

Helmut
They laid off that hot chick in sales today,
And surely further cuts are on the way.
I'll miss those fishnets crossed beneath her desk.
And miniskirts. Alas! She was the best!
Nerdquo
Our turn may come, I hope it comes not yet.
We haven't made FuckedCompany.com.
Mayhap today, but I believe it not.
We're safe, at least for now.
Helmut
              I'm not so sure.
I heard a rumor from the second floor:
Our T3 access soon may be no more.
Nerdquo
How will we download pr0n?
Helmut
              I do not know.
Nerdquo
We'd best be at it whilst we can! You check out suze.net; I'll work on Danni Ashe.

They type for a few moments.

Helmut
Oh, shit! Here comes the boss in humor foul.
Minimize that browser, my good man.
Your beauteous friends will wait, all quite unspoil't
Until another day. Get back to work!

Enter Probostickus.

Probostickus
Hail, oh webheads. For good news I pray:
Has our share price rallied yet today?
Nerdquo
NASDAQ's down across the board again.
Probostickus
I fear'd as much.

To audience.

Probostickus 
It is a sorry end to all my hopes.
Long did I dream of being CEO;
Of starting up a fabulous dot com.
For years I'd slaved 'neath brick and mortar's weight
Crushed by that weight and by each day's events
Beholden unto others for reward.
iToyz seemed just the chance to shuck it all
To 'scape my daft superiors, so-call'd
And sail with crotch unkick'd into the world.
At first, it seemed I could not fail in this:
And yet the profits hove just out of reach.
My IRA and assets quickly spent,
My friends and family tapped, and no recourse
But help from shrieking vultures, fat with cash
Yet thin on brains. But still there are no profits
The shrieking's shrill and daunting, and I fear
That now my dreams may vanish into dust.
We're still deep in the red. What can I do?
I've laid off half the staff and cut the perks.
It's not enough. The money's almost gone.
Perhaps I should return the Porsche? But, no!
I earned that car. Larry and Bill would laugh.

To Helmut and Nerdquo

Probostickus
The venture cap firm's sending out some hack
To check our books, and get us back on track.
Those bastards care not one jot for our pain!
I cut and they call back and say "Again!"
It galls me, but we must play ball, if not:
They'll pull the plug and all our work's for naught.
Helmut
Vultures in suits is all they are, I say.
Fat old Viagra addicts. Corporate pimps.
They'll sell us off. I shan't cooperate.

Enter Veronica, the leggy blonde financial analyst from the venture capital firm.

Veronica
Probostickus? Veronica. Well met.
I'm here to view your books and check things out.
We'll see what hope remains within the shell
Of your grand dream.
Probostickus
E-tail is dead, and with it died my dream.
Veronica
Some life remains within the corpse as yet.
Although you're staggering with massive debt,
Perhaps there's something still that can be done.
If not we'll sell the assets and move on.
Helmut
Her assets look most salable to me!
Probostickus
The margin for our segment is quite small.
It's razor thin.
Veronica
             It's barely there at all!
But still that doesn't justify your loss
Of so much green. Your burn rate's off the scale!
Someone's been flushing money down a hole!
I'll find out who, and then some heads will roll.
Probostickus
Not mine, I pray! I've done all that I can.
In following the approved business plan!
Veronica
I'm sure you have. It seems that's not enough!
Show me the books forthwith!
Let us repair to the top floor.
Mahog'ny row awaits!
With ledgers full of mischief and deceit!

Exuent Veronica with Probostickus trailing.

Helmut
Why download porn when shit like that's around?
Nerdquo
You watch yourself. She's just a shark dressed up.
Helmut
But oh! To get that shark to prey on me,
To feel her bite, and chew her in return.
It must be love, that fills my head with glee.
Nerdquo
You've filled your head with air; There's vacuum there.
And so your other head doth speak instead.
Helmut
It matters not. What pleases one serves both.
Nerdquo
Fie! I need more coffee. Care to come along?
Helmut
Aye. Let's go and plan my conquest of the shark!

Exuent omnes.

Introduction ... forward

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