You may find this one of the best places you've ever been. This is one of those small towns where the students outnumber the residents. This is what is called a "voting block." So, when you get out of line on campus and get arrested, feel secure in the fact that you'll just get a slap on the wrist.

HOWEVER: Do not get arrested down on Queen City Avenue in the middle of a sordid night. You may find that the local cops are not as understanding.

Go find Hurricane Creek outside of town. Do a raft trip on a rubber lady and eat the cow shit mushrooms on the way.

Go over to Northport and go skinny dipping in Lake Tuscaloosa. Find the tree house that my crazy friend built there years ago. It's an architectural miracle. (His dad was the head dick of the art department. May still be.)

Be glad the paper mill in Holt is no longer operational. This guy, Jack Warner, who built that whole company (Gulf States Paper) had an office with some of the rarest art you will ever find, as well as a Japanese rock garden. But when the workers told him they had voted to form a Union, ol' Jack said, "Fine. Go get another job." And he shut the place down. You are breathing easier because of that.

Smoke some hash on the quad. Go visit the greenhouses "after hours." The biology dept. doesn't mind. You may find them there smoking hash, too.

When you're in the old gym, think about the Allman Brothers playing there before Duane died. When you're in the new auditorium, think about Joni Mitchell playing there just after Court and Spark had come out. If the old Morgan Hall auditorium still exists, think about Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention playing there with Tom Waits as the opening act, before he was famous.

Hell, just enjoy it. No matter where you are, you are there.

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