These are songs a friend of mine sent me in email one day about his friends' cats. He's only slightly wacko and would not actually harm a cat. Really. So, if you keep this in mind, you may find these funny. Or maybe you have to be just a bit twisted.

Song #1 (CAT HUNT)

Bud and Katy and Cassie are cats
And there's another one
I don't know its name
What's up with that cat?
What the fuck is up with that cat?
It's never around

CHORUS:
Where does it eat?
Where does it poo?
Where does it eat?
Where does it poo?
Bud is really cool and is a good name for a cat
Cassie was named by some little kid trying to call it Kitty
Katy was named after someone I think, I don't know
But what about that other one
That friggin moron­cat that doesn't ever come out or do anything?
What the fuck?

(CHORUS)
If I ever find that snot­nosed bastard of a cat
I'll break every snotty bone in its body
By swinging it by it's paws
And flinging it against a wall

(CHORUS)

Song #2 (LIFE ALTERATIONS)

All of life is precious and beautiful
A glorious earthful of delights
I'm sure the smallest microrganism would smile back at me and say­
"There's no time for unhappiness or hate"
And I'd have to explain­
"You see, there's this cat
You know who I'm talking about
That loser of a cat that never comes out
Like it's too good for me
Who the fuck do you think you are?
You're a puny cat for fuck's sake
You need to die
You need to die now
And I would give its scrawny neck an attitude adjustment
Until it became a twitching corpse
Oh boy I can't wait to find that little fucker

Song #3 (DRAGON TATTOO)

I'm thinking maybe
I'll get a tattoo
Cause Zoe got one
And she told me to
She said­ "What are you­ a man or a mouse?"
I said­ "I'm a bat baby and I can do without
    A flaming dragon on my butt"
She got a flaming pink dragon on her butt
One thing I don't need is a cartoony flaming pink dragon on my butt
Another thing I don't need is cats who think they're all high and mighty

When they're really just pieces of shit
Who deserve to be kicked and squished into the ground
I'll get you
Next Saturday


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