According to the Good Vibrations catalog, the most important attribute of an object you intend to put up your butt is a flared base. That way, you're guaranteed:

  • something to grip when you wish to remove it, and more importantly;
  • the object will not slip irretrievably up your butt, necessitating a trip to the emergency room, after which the staff will tell everyone they know an amusing story that starts "This guy came into the ER walking funny..." (thanks etoile)

Unfortunately, I don't have complete scenarios like The Grey Defender - all I can offer is a list, from memory, of what has passed (pun intended) through our emergency room. Apparently there is a silent epidemic out there - people by the hundreds are walking naked through their dwellings, slipping, and falling onto odd objects in such a way that they become lodged in their rectum. Beware! You have been warned!

Objects found in various recti:

Please, don't anyone take this as a suggested list of things-to-stick-where-the-sun-don't-shine!! These things MADE this list because they were impossible to be retrieved without medical assistance. Once again, public service announcement: wear underwear when walking through the house, or you could be the subject of a writeup update! You have been warned!

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