(also known as 'Why I'm considering never having children")

  • If you have children at 22, you'll look 40 by the time you're 28.

  • Young children like paint. (Don't ask me how I know that. It’s still too painful)

  • Even if you leave your husband, you marry your in-laws FOREVER.

  • Children have no concept of personal space.

  • Kindergarten teachers expect you to be an arts and crafts specialist.

  • Never, and I mean NEVER have children less than a year apart. EVER!!! They look the same, talk the same, encourage each other to do evil, and the older one can't help you with the younger one.

  • Children with the faces of angels are usually really really really really evil. Never turn your back on them.

  • Holidays take on their meaning when you have family you love. Spending them without the kids when it's dad's turn to have them sucks. It sucks a lot.

  • You can wait (almost) as long as you like. You can never go back.

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