This is going to sound ignorant
and perhaps a little spiteful
but it's certainly in no way intended to be that. It's just a little bit of truth
from the trenches
If you are involved in a relationship and it's either serious or semi-serious then The Three D's should be kept in mind at all times. Hell, even if you believe yourself to be in an open relationship (if such a thing exists) you should stick to The Three D's.
No folks, I'm not talking about being asked by your spouse if you cleaned the dishes and denying that you didn't. This is the sexual indiscretion type situation. It happens. It happens even when you didn't mean it to. It happens for the right and the wrong reasons but It Happens. And the solution is ALWAYS The Three D's.
You may be reading this thinking, 'Yeah, but I want honesty in a relationship'. Well, sorry, it's a rare and beautiful thing. Very rare. Even when it does occur it usually ends in the suicide and/or murder of one or other, or indeed both, parties concerned. Follow The Three D's and life is a lot simpler in the whole.
Why do The Three D's work you ask? Because if your partner is in love with you they will want to believe you. It's that want that makes the denial so much more real in their minds.
Isn't this just immoral? Hah, and salving your own petty conscience after an indiscretion by telling your partner isn't? I had a friend who was living abroad for a while. His fiance was still back at home, they were to be married when he returned. One night, drunk, he ended up kissing another girl. It meant nothing, just drunken foolishness. No-one there knew his spouse, nothing would have happened. Except, your man felt terrible. Guilty, dirty. He had to tell her. He did. They split up and both were devistated. He could have lived with it. The relationship and marriage would have continued. He might have learnt a lesson and put it all behind him. But no, he had to share it, relieve his burden. He had to feel like it wasn't just HIS burden. The moral thing to have done would have been simply DENY DENY DENY.
To finish, here are a few example situations.
1 - You have been seen flirting with another by a mutual friend. Your partner has not seen this themselves
DENY DENY DENY.
This never happened. Whoever, apparently, saw you do this is obviously just tripping. Ok, so maybe you were in that bar the other night. But you certainly weren't talking to anyone in that way.
If your partner looks at you like you're some lying piece of shit simply become even more sure of your story. Obviously the mutual friend that saw you isn't acutally lying, but they have their facts wrong. You intend to confront them with this the next time you see them, then the real truth will out.
2 - You have been seen flirting with another by your partner. They even had to come up and interrupt you to get any attention
DENY DENY DENY
Sounds implausible. You're there, your partner is there, you got caught. It Doesn't Matter. Deny It.
Take your partner to the side. What are they thinking? you ask incredulously. How could they possibly think that you would be so obtuse, so vulgar as to do such a thing. In point of fact it was your caring nature that led into this situation. Not wanting to appear rude you were simply responding to what this person was saying to you. In fact, you think this person has some sort of problem, you felt sorry for them. As to chatting them up, well, that is just so ridiculous you can't even countenance it
You got the basics, lets skip to the meat, with a true story
3 - You are in your apartment with another person, they are in bed naked and you return from the toilet to find your partner has just walked into the bedroom. No-one has said anything yet but the shocked look on your partners face is telling. The fact it is your partners best friend who is lying on the bed is adding a slight edge to the situation.
DENY DENY DENY
Though it may seem like you have absolutely no way out of this one you can give it a damn good shot.
It is important to keep at the very front of your mind that there is nothing unusual or abnormal about this situation. Believe that, really believe it. And keep talking. Don't, whatever the hell you do, let the nekked person on the bed get involved. Two stories can be compared and flaws found. Make your story the only one. The person on the bed is desperate for a way out of this as well and will follow your start. Remember, there is a reasonable and rational explanation for this whole thing. There is even an explanation for the condom packet you have in your hand.
Now this works, don't ask me how I know, just let's say a friend told me this story. Ok, so the friend got divorced later, but shit, he survived the night.
Oh, and if you're caught actually in bed, nekked and getting down to it, you know what to do.
DENY DENY DENY.
And try and dodge the bullets.
Footnote, to those I know so well
This is fiction, ok, not real, made up, not what I'm actually like.
There is no need to bring this up in relation to everything I have told you in the past. That time with Sarah/Sophie or whatever the hell her name is was exactly like I told you at the time. I have not and never will use the Three D's on you. I wouldn't, honest.