Part of The Odyssey That Is the Monolith, In Two Parts (read the explanation there before this!)

Ok, don't get me wrong. 2001: A Space Odyssey is the absolute coolest movie, but people need to take it a little more lightly. I mean really, is it that important that Arthur C. Clarke thinks that the world is to be shifted entirely by single advancements of technology at a time? I mean, it's true that advancement in technology can be huge, but come on...a bone leading monkeys' evolution to people? I don't know. I'm here to talk more about how people interpret this movie. Critics, film fags, whoever. They just need to calm down, have some dip. Right?

Ok, the first part has about what, ten minutes of footage of just pretty skies? I know it's beautiful, but it doesn't like "represent the absolute calm and seemingly stopped advance of species on Earth." It just doesn't. They're skies. That's all. And to be honest, the monkeys...I laugh my fucking balls off every time. They almost come on as a surprise. They're funny as hell, those monkeys. The only part I don't really like is when they beat each other up. I found that to be stereotypical Kubrick-esque violence though, so I guess it had to be somewhere. So this big black thing appears in front of the monkeys one day. So what? Has weird shit not happened to everybody, or is it just me? I don't think it "represents the realization of the ape-like creatures that their time has come to advance as a species." That's bullshit. They're monkeys. As is bluntly shown, all they care about is eating and beating the fuck out of the bad guy. So one figures out how to use a bone to beat shit down. He's not "the leader" and he doesn't "come to an absolute point of realization that fuels the beginning and advancement of all human technology." He's a monkey with a bone. So he throws it...

BAM! It's a satellite. It's not "a beautiful transition that shows the direct relation of modern science to primitive discovery through a simple but powerful image." It's not showing "the direct relationship among all technology." It's a fucking space ship. But let me note, it's a right fucking cool transition, and fifty-six bonus points to Kubrick for doing it. Nice. Next, is it just me, or are all these moon guys a little too paranoid? They're not "representing how the control of the entire human race lies in the hands of an elite few." They're trying to prevent ass from crashing and expanding across the planet. They're trying to save the common morons from rioting themselves to death. It's common sense. Note that it's called science fiction for a reason. So these guys eventually land on the moon, after all the politics and everything and everybody gets to see this black rectangle again. When they touch it it makes this loud ass high-pitched noise. Allow me to explain: it is not "the aural representation of the next advancement of the species." It's is not the fucking "next step." It's not anything like that. What it is is a big fucking high-pitched noise. They astronaut guys probably pissed the black thing off or something. Nothing to interpret really.

So that leads to that whole Dave and HAL mess. But fuck those guys and all that drama. What really matters here is that eventually that damn black thing is floating around in space now, right by the ship where HAL caused all kinds of trouble. Oh my god! Was HAL tweaked by this big fucking black thing to in some way become evil!? No. HAL was badly programmed. Get over it. He was a buggy whore; his retardation has nothing to do with a big chunk of black soap floating in space. HAL wasn't "directly influenced by the monolith in order to push Dave to the human species' next level of advancement beyond artificial intelligence." Glad to make that one clear.

Ok, now I know what you're going to say about this next part. The journey "beyond the infinite" is not some fucking acid flashback, it's not an acid trip, it wasn't thought up while tripping acid, and isn't way cooler when you're on acid. It's a bunch of random footage that Stanley Kubrick had laying around from one of his trips flying around making a movie or something. He got bored, and played with some optical printing to make pretty colors. And then the entire computer graphics thing was basically just a screen test for Tron. Believe me, I promise. Seriously. This isn't Dave's "journey to the next discovered dimension," it's not his "realization that there is more to the brain than we can currently contemplate with our minimal sensory array," and it's not "the most beautifully abstract artistic representation of what will happen when AI just isn't enough." Read:

P R E T T Y  C O L O R S .

That one felt good. Now, this whole Dave getting old really fast shit. Well, I can just say don't believe anything anyone tells you about this. It's simple surrealism. It's a dream either Arthur C. Clarke or Stanley Kubrick had, and therefore only one of them can explain it. Really. Accept the magic and don't worry about how the magician did it. It's not really an "artistic and beautiful speculation of the journey to the next level of intelligence succeeding artificial intellignece." It's too damn wiggly and weird to be interpreted, so don't. And don't talk about it either; it's scary. I think is was meant to be watched, and not to be done to death. Right? That is surely what Stanley Kubrick had intended. Give it deep thought, and enjoy the wonderment in not knowing.

The monolith is a representation of the advancement of the film industry's overly interpretive nature. It serves as a vehicle for blind pseudo-intellectual discussion; that is all interpretive-wise. True understanding of the monolith's purpose otherwise can only be had by Arthur C. Clarke or Stanley Kubrick, who deserve to carry such a beautiful and wonderful secret with them to the grave.

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