printed with without permission of MadSciDom@AOL.com
Without permission? Yeah. This post has been released onto the public web and posted to every
BDSM mailing list I am on. It is clear to me that the authors intention
is to distribute it as widely as possible. By reproducing it here
in it's unedited form I fully believe I am in compliance with the
applicable copyright laws.
The term Acid Test is an old prospecting term.
A powerful acid can dissolve most base metals in a matter of minutes.
However, gold will stand up to most acids. So the Acid
Test was an easy way for people to make sure they had a real
nugget of gold and not a lump of the fool's variety.
In the same way, these tests are meant to be quick ways to identify
fake Doms. Passing all these tests is no guarantee either,
there is no replacement for getting to know your prospective partner
as well as possible BEFORE YOU EVEN MEET IN PERSON.
Now most of these tests are designed in mind for a submissive female
trying to sort through men claiming to be Doms online. They
are largely based on the many questions I get asked by my female
friends still searching for a Dominant partner. Some of them
can probably be used by male subs as well, but for the most part,
these tests are best for ferreting out male fakes. Vanilla males
are usually after easy sex and this motive makes them
easier to identify than a lot of the fake Dommes out there.
Step One: Do the Math
Various estimates and surveys have placed the ratio of true (i.e.,
natural) male sexual Dominants to female sexual submissives at about
one to ten. However, a quick count in any given D/s oriented
chat room would lead you to believe that male Doms outnumber the
subs at about two to one. Now if there is actually only one
male Dom for every ten female subs, that means that 19 out of the
20 "Doms" you see online HAVE TO BE FAKES. Keep
this in mind. There is a 95% chance that any man you talk
to online claiming to be a Dom is no such thing. This leads
us to our first rule, a rule that all statisticians and scientists
already know by heart: "When in doubt, throw it out!"
Your search for a suitable Dominant partner (especially if you are
seeking a serious long term relationship as well) could easily take
years. That's hardly surprising, most people spend years looking
for that special lover, be they vanilla or otherwise.
So don't be disheartened by all these drastic ratios. BUT
DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME either. If any of the prospects you
are chatting with online makes you feel uncomfortable for any reason,
drop him. Dont give him three strikes or
extra chances to win. Block out his screen-name
and move on. There was only a one in twenty chance he was
legitimate anyway. Trust your instincts!
Step Two: Know Your Enemy
We call them Snerts. We call them HNGs (Horny Net Geeks).
We call them Wannabes. We call them Control Freaks.
And sometimes, tragically, we even find some that can only be called
rapists and predators. They are all your ENEMY. Dont
bother thinking they are anything less. Even a more or less
well meaning Snert can land you in a hospital. Sexual Dominance
and submission is not for dilettantes or amateurs: Not, no,
and never! Even if he turns out to be a more or less nice
guy, if hes not a Dom, hes not going to give you what
you really need, and he will likely give you many things you dont
(like medical bills and other assorted headaches).
Snerts are basically looking for easy sex. They are counting
on the (highly inaccurate) assumption that sexual submissives are
simply easy lays. Nothing could be farther from
the truth, but that doesnt deter them at all. They are typically
middle aged to somewhat older men. They are often married.
They are usually trying to bolster their flagging vanilla
sex lives with some casual screwing around. They target submissives
because they think that they won't make demands on there sexual
prowess (another bad assumption). They can be easily spotted
because they almost always demand or at least emphasize sexual intercourse
being a part of their scenes.
The HNG (Horny Net Geek)
HNGs are usually the most harmless (and yet often the most
annoying) of the enemy types. Most are teenagers and young
men looking for some quick cyber-sex or even phone-sex. They
are usually pretty sophisticated about there D/s jargon and the
scenes they describe to you can be pretty elaborate.
Geeks do their homework. They scour the porno sites for ideas,
and hang out in D/s chats for hours on end learning the lingo.
The are most easily spotted because they want to move on to cyber-sex
and phone sex very quickly. They like to offer online collars,
and spend hours on end in chat rooms playing with their
subbies. Dont waste your time with them.
The second most dangerous type of enemy is the Control Freak.
Control freaks are what most psychologists and therapists call controlling
personalities. They are the type of person that wants
to be in control of everything around them. They want all
their family and friends to behave exactly as they say. They
are extremely manipulative people. These men can be dangerous
because many really have convinced themselves that they are Dominants
as a way to justify their dysfunctional lives. Many inexperienced
submissives find themselves naturally attracted to these
men because outwardly they seem so in command of things
all the time. The truly ironic (and sad) thing is, a controlling
personality is actually the closest thing to the OPPOSITE of a sexual
Controls Freaks can be spotted because they often talk about taking
care of you and also knowing whats best for you.
They almost always try to play on your emotions; especially guilt.
They also usually criticize and even resent the advice you get from
other people. They often talk about 24/7 D/s relationships
without going into any details about what kind of actual scenes
they play. They are fond of telling you that they prefer the
mental aspect of Domination and submission. They
tend to be both demanding and argumentative. Nothing you do
will ever be quite right. While all this may seem
very repulsive and easy to avoid, be on your guard, the average
control freak often seems very charming initially. Once they
have their hooks into you its very hard to get untangled.
Rapists and Predators
The last and most dangerous type of enemy is the rapist or predator.
These are the men most likely to damage or even end your life.
The truly frightening thing about these evil men it that there is
NO easy way to spot them. Rapists can be anything from bums
to bank mangers, and anyone from family members to total strangers.
One in four women has suffered an attack from this vile creature,
and one in seven men as well! There motive is violence.
The best defense is never make yourself too vulnerable.
To defend yourself from predators, learn all the in's and out's
of setting up a good Safety Net. Follow these procedures religiously.
Most important of all TAKE YOUR TIME getting to know your prospective
play partners. This is good advice in any case. If you
know your partner well, youre more likely to have a good time
with him (because you will feel more comfortable during that first
Scene). Predators are more likely to move on in search of
easy prey, they do tend to be impulsive. If a dom
you have been talking too suddenly seems to loose interest in you
after a period of time, you may have just saved your own life.
Dont go chasing after anybody. A true Dom doesn't need
to play hard to get.
Step 3: Know your goal!
Take the time to figure out what you want. Its often
hard for newbie subs to do this because sometimes they lack knowledge
of what choices are available to them. SO ARM YOURSELF WITH
KNOWLEDGE! There are many fine publications, books, and internet
websites that cater to sexual submissives. So start reading!
Learn about the different types of play and how they should be conducted.
Learn everything you can about how to set up a Safety Net.
Learn all the dos and donts of meeting others and playing
safely. Decide what your Limits are and set them down on paper.
This may seem like a lot of homework to do in the name of fun, but
also keep in mind that that its your ASS thats (literally)
on the line here.
Know what a real Dom acts like. Remember, you are probably
a sexual submissive because you ARE in control the rest of the time.
You are strong! Likely even ambitious as well. You have
a career, or goals, or a lifestyle that demands this high level
of energy and control. So giving away your control is a beautiful
respite from everyday life. Your power and energy is something
you only want to give to someone you trust, and in intimate situations
at that. Its a very personal thing to you!
Well guess what, sexual Dominants are usually the compliment of
this. We are strong people too, and we do tend to be intelligent.
We are often highly trained professionals or skilled craftsmen.
However, we tend to avoid lifestyles and careers that demand we
be in control all the time. We tend to be easygoing.
I have never in my life met, or even heard of, an uptight sexual
Dominant. We like being in control in INTIMATE situations.
Its a respite from the way we live OUR everyday lives.
We are not really the opposite of you, but we are the puzzle
piece that fits next to you snugly. In another words,
don't look for a Dom thats exactly like you. You won't
find him. Dont look for a Dom that wants to run your
whole life; he doesn't exist.
ABOVE ALL, if youre prospective Dom seems like a generally
nice guy youre likely on the right track!
Take the time to get to know him. Don't let the five control
freaks on the other side of the chat room demand your attention.
A natural Dom isnt likely to make demands until its time to
Step 4: Memorize the Acid Tests!
Test #1: When in doubt, throw it out! Dont waste
your time with people that make you feel uncomfortable. Even
if the guy was a real Dom, if his personality makes you feel uncomfortable,
hes not going to be fun to play with.
Test #2: "Youd better call me Sir!" is the
mating call of a HNG or control freak. Real Doms don't have
to ask for titles, we EARN them. Most real Doms will say things
like "please, call me Mike
Test #3: "I want you to take my collar before you play
with me." This is another common demand of fakes, most
often made by control freaks. They have to isolate you from
other people and their advice, and sometimes a little ole "cyber-collar"
is just the thing! Cyber-collars are worth less than the leather
required to make one.
Test #4: If you get an Instant Message that says something
like "On your knees you slave, slut, bitch, whore, etc."
This is the mating call of the HNG. Use some common sense
here. Why waste time with somebody thats not even polite?
Theres a time and a place for these endearing terms, and it
Test #5: "I don't have to answer that question!"
or "Its not proper etiquette for you to ask a Master
that." are examples of some the dangerous LIES that control
freaks and snerts use. This is the Acid test I personally
think is the most important! A Dom had better be ready to
at least TRY and answer every question you have, and HONESTLY at
that! Its literally your ass thats on the line!
Never forget this!
Test #6: "Its my way or the highway!" or words to
that effect, are the mating cry of the common control freak.
Doms can have Limits too, but its your Limits that count FIRST.
Dont let any would-be dom tell you differently.
Dont let any of the wannabe subs tell you differently either.
Where Male Dom/Fem sub play is concerned, its ALWAYS LADYS
Test #7: Don't bother with online collars. Don't make
decisions about a prospective partner based on his online play style.
Its a very simple test if you think about it: would a real
life Dominant waste time on cyber sex? Please take my word
for it; the answer is NO. Forget it, once youve done
the real thing, cyber is just too damn dull.
Test #8: Ask your prospect if hes ever made any mistakes
during a scene. If he says no, run for
your life! If he says, very rarely, at least be
suspicious. Everyone makes mistakes, even if they are experienced
players. Sometimes submissives have Limits they don't even know
about, and even the most careful and skilled Dom the world will
trip over these occasionally. Remember, according to our good friends
of the Christian faith, the last perfect guy to walk this planet
got nailed to a tree for his trouble. So expect competence, but
Test #9 "Im a bank president, captain of industry,
TV producer, self-made millionaire
yadda yadda yadda."
Wouldnt it be nice to meet a rich Dom too? Sure it would!
But use some common sense too. How many captains of industry
have hours to spend in an AOL chat room? Also, think about
this personality profile; if this super successful, always-in-control
person is really into D/s, hes likely a submissive!
I have met a lot of female submissives that fit this ambitious profile,
but not one Dom yet!
Test #10 "Im 33 years old, and Ive been a
Master for 15 years." Gimme a break! What are the odds?
When you ask about a Doms level of experience (and its a good idea
to do so) remember to do the math as well. 18 year old boys
dont care about the intricacies of D/s; they want to get laid.
Trust me on this one Ladies, I was an 18 year old boy once!
I personally believe that people do become what they are (be it
gay, straight, Dom or sub) very early in life, but it takes maturity
and training to be a Master. What are the odds a person became
a Master when they were still using clearacil?
Test #11 Ask for references! Especially if he claims
to be very experienced. Talk to the references
ON THE PHONE. Lots of HNGs have female screen-names
set up to act as references for them! I notice
that a lot of newbies seem to have trouble with this concept.
Which is understandable since in the vanilla world its considered
rude to talk to a guys ex-girlfriend. But in the D/s
Scene its the opposite, experienced players will accept and accommodate
this kind of request gladly.
Test #12 "I have three real life collared slaves right
now, but you can't talk to them." Okay, when you consider
the ratio and all, this sounds possible. What makes this
an acid test failed (and failed miserably at that) is the last part.
I have met couples (and even triples) that really were looking for
an extra person to add to the mix. This is not uncommon at
all in the Scene. But these couples were looking TOGETHER.
If a dom has anyone already collared to them, you probably
ought to talk to her FIRST!
Test #13 "I don't need safe words." Well of
course he doesnt! If he said this hes likely
a snert and therefore hes never really been in a scene! Of
course he might be a predator too, and then he wouldn't need safewords
either. Need I say more?
Test #14 "My slaves trust me to set their Limits for
them." If you hear a "dom" say this its
most likely because these slaves only exist in his mind. Or worse
still, his slave is simply the victim of spouse abuse.
Even so called TPE (Total Power Exchange) and other sorts
of 24/7 (i.e., full time) D/s relationships should involve some
Test #15 "I'm Married, my wife can't know about us"
If I have to explain this one too you, you've got problems.
I have played with many married submissives in my time, but ONLY
with the express permission (and more often than not, participation)
of their husbands. Safe D/s requires complete honesty.
You can't build a good Scene on lies. There are plenty of
people that will be willing to tell you differently; but please
note, they will all turn out to be adulterers (and hence, liars)
Test #16 Insert your own Acid Test here. You will learn
much from your mistakes and missteps. If you form an online
contact with a "dom" that falls through, analyze
WHY it fell through. Don't make the same mistakes twice if
you can help it.
Step 5: Its not just the men you have to screen!
Finding some female submissives to be buddies with you on your quest
is a very good idea. Especially if they are experienced players;
they can give you unique perspectives, emotional support, and even
references to legitimate Doms to play with. They can also,
most importantly, provide a Safety Net for you during those first
meetings with the men you meet. The benefits of teaming
up with other women in your search should be obvious!
However, be just as cautious about what you hear from other women
online as well. If you are so inclined to search for a Domme
for instance, the Acid tests should apply just as well. Be
very cautious about the women you meet online that claim to be submissives
as well. There are a great number of female HNGs
who live there D/s lifestyle in the vacuum of cyber-space. Their
advice and experiences are not only useless in the real world, they
can be dangerous. Another class of "female enemy"
is even more tragic and dangerous; the Victim.
A Victim is just that; a victim of physical and or mental abuse
that uses D/s as an excuse to continue denying the reality of her
tragic situation. These people are disturbingly common as well.
They are dangerous to you too! These women are not just full
of very dangerous advice, but they are usually very vehement about
telling you that their lifestyle is the only "real D/s."
They can fill your head full of doubts faster than one of the male
Spare little sympathy, tell them to get help, and stay the heck
away from them (in exactly this order). It may seem mercenary,
but it is in fact the right thing to do. This is my training
as a CASA (Citizens Against Spouse Abuse) volunteer talking.
An abuse victim can only save herself, and then only when she is
ready to do so. If you let her vent her frustrations and
fears on you, she will then go back to her familiar little hell.
Leaving you emotionally drained and likely scared too. Your
quest for safe play partners is going to be tough enough as it is.
Avoid Victims completely if you can, and if you can't, urge them
to get help. Its not your job to save the world, keeping
yourself safe and happy is enough work.
This all seems like a lot of work. It is. Some of it
sounds awfully scary too. It should. So why bother
with this quest at all? Why not just stick "cyber only"
in your profile and forget real life D/s? Why not just drop
it all together? I can give you only one good reason; when
it is done safely, and it suits your needs, it can be the one of
the most profoundly fulfilling experiences in your life! I
used to cringe at terms like "sex magic," but now that
I know the spells, Im an unabashed Wizard! Any student
of psychology can tell you that denial has its own dangers
too. The easy roads are not the ones that lead to interesting
places. So arm yourself with knowledge, find yourself some
trustworthy friends to share the journey, and start walking.
Just dont forget to bring your Acid Tests too!
BDSM - an acronym that combines abbreviations for Bondage
and Domination, Domination and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism.
Collar - a symbol of possession used to denote some
sort of committed relationship between a sexual Dominant and a sexual
Control Freak - slang for a person with a dysfunctional
personality type usually referred to as a "controlling personality."
See section 2, paragraph four.
Cyber - slang for being online. Often refers to
Cyber Sex - interacting with another person online for
the express purpose of sexual arousal.
D/s - abbr. for Domination and Submission.
Dom - abbr. or slang for a (usually male) sexual Dominant.
A person that derives sexual and mental satisfaction from taking
control of intimate sexual encounters. They are often simulated
by using techniques such as sexual sadism, bondage, domineering
role-play, and generally taking a commanding role in intimate situations.
Domme - abbr. or slang for a female sexual Dominant.
See also Dom.
HNG - acronym for "Horny Net Geek." See section
2, paragraph two.
Limit - something that either partner in a D/s relationship
will not do, or does not like. Basically, a specific preference
concerning D/s play. The submissive's Limits should always
take precedence over the Dominant's. Limits should always
be discussed and set out before a Scene ever starts. Respecting
Limits is not an option, its a requirement.
Master - A title of honor for a (male) sexual Dominant
that usually denotes either a high level of experience or competence.
Alternatively used as a term of endearment for the Dom in a Scene
featuring "Master/slave" role-playing.
Mistress - A title of honor for a (female) sexual Dominant
that usually denotes either a high level of experience or competence.
Alternatively used as a term of endearment for the Domme in a Scene
featuring "Mistress/slave" role-playing.
Safe Word - a code word used by the submissive to signal
his/her Dominant partner to either stop, slow down, or even completely
end a Scene. "Safe Signals" must be substituted
when the submissive is gagged or cannot otherwise speak.
These are not an option for safe play, they are a requirement.
Safety Net - a person or persons who take the responsibility
to make sure that your real life meeting with a prospective play
partner is safe. This can range from actually "chaperoning"
the meeting to setting up "safe calls" and so forth.
This is a requirement for submissives, not an option, as it is the
only defense they have against predators, rapists, and con artists.
Learn how to set one up and set them up religiously. Even
vanilla women should learn to do this!
Sexual Masochist - a person that can experience profound
arousal and/or euphoria from controlled doses of pain and other
Sexual Sadist - a person that can experience profound
arousal and/or euphoria from inflicting carefully controlled doses
of pain and other extreme stimuli on sexual Masochists. They
DO NOT generally enjoy inflicting pain for its own sake. Nor
do they enjoy using such stimuli on people that do not find it pleasurable.
Slave - a title of endearment and ownership given to
sexual submissives that are participating in Master/slave lifestyles
or role-playing. This usually signifies that the submissive wears
the "Collar" of a particular Dominant.
Sub - abbr. or slang for a sexual submissive.
A person who derives sexual and mental satisfaction from having
control taken away from them in intimate sexual situations.
They are often (but not always) sexual masochists. They often
derive pleasure from bondage, and generally taking a subservient
role in intimate situations.
Scene - slang for relating to D/s. As in "Yes,
shes a legitimate player in the Scene." Also slang
for a specific session of D/s. As in "I was in this
wonderful Scene last night." Often used as a verb in
the same case; "They Scened at the party last night."
Subbie - common endearment for a sexual submissive,
usually a female submissive.
Vanilla - slang for things that are not "kinky"
or not related to sexual Dominance and submission.
Victim - a victim of abuse that uses D/s to "legitimize"
her tragic situation. See section 5, paragraph 2.
Wannabe - derogatory; most often refers to a person
that pretends to be a legitimate real life player in D/s.
Most often used in reference to females that pretend to be sexual
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