There was once a Laverne and Shirley cartoon in which they were privates in the army, and stationed in rank between them and their Sergeant was the Sergeant's pet pig.
There was also once a cartoon in which Casper the Friendly Ghost was in the future, where he hung out with two female space police officers who rode around on flying space mopeds. Space had air and gravity in that cartoon, by the way.
Another? There was a Happy Days cartoon in which the gang traveled through time with the aid of a girl from the future, christened "Cupcake" by The Fonz. Fonz had a pet/sidekick, a dog named Mr. Cool.
DON'T LOOK AWAY THE DEPTH OF THE HORROR IS NOT YET REVEALED!
I Dream of Jeannie with a sidekick genie, Babu, getting their master into omnipotent mischief. They once solved a mystery with Scooby-Doo. Twice, in fact, Scooby met up with the Harlem Globetrotters. Also twice, Batman and Robin. Once, the Addams Family, or maybe a Addams Family; they certainly weren't the cool ones.
Punky Brewster had a magical pet named Glowmer. They got into all kinds of hijinks, those rascals. Those horrible rascals.
Latino kids solving crimes with the aid of Rubik the fucking talking cube.
The Three Stooges as bionic superheroes.
The Shmoo you say? You think you know of this Shmoo? Do you remember it on the Bedrock police force, walking a beat with Fred and Barney, who were ALSO police officers?
How about the Laff-A-Lympics? Do you think I don't cry myself to sleep at night over memories of the "Scooby-Doobies?"
All of these, mind you, are just the crimes of Hanna-Barbera. You think they invented bad cartoons? They were geniuses in the classic era you know. They won an Oscar for Tom & Jerry. But have you heard of the Terrytoons? BABY HUEY WILL BLAST YOUR SOUL!
But there's worse. There's far worse.
Jerry Beck has a collection of hateful 50s cartoons that make HB's limited animation output look like Bugs Bunny. Some of them are featured in Frank Conniff's Cartoon Dump. They are putrid.
But there's worse, yes, worse even than those. Look and see.
I bring these up to teach you all an important lesson: there is no bottom to the Hole of Cartoon Badness. There will always be something worse that you repressed the memory of as a child. The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its cartoons. And soon we shall either go mad from them or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety away from the TV set.
Originally posted as a comment on Metafilter on March 3, 2009, the version here has several corrections. The "look and see" link goes to an episode of Paddy the Pelican.