An Irish folk song. While it seems pretty tame by today's standards, it really infuriated the English at the time it was written. Obtained in a high school World History class.


There's a big Loch Ness monster in Scotland
He's never been captured or caught
But an old English queen named Victoria
She wanted him boiled in her pot.
So an Irishman said that he'd catch him
Her majesty she could not wait.

"There's only one problem, your Highness
I'll have to use you for the bait.
The monster eats nothing but fat hags
And the monster eats nothing but crooks
I could surely entice him to surface
With a fat hag like you on my hook."

"Get away out of there," says her Highness,
"I'll go up and I'll catch him myself.
Get away out of here," says her Highness,
As she hitched up her chastity belt.

So the Queen took the high road to Scotland
With sailors from bonny DunDee
And out on the lake she was sailin'
With her knickers rolled up to her knees.

Then along came the hairy old monster
On the waters of lovely Loch Ness.
Sure he knew a fat hag when he saw one
And he shoved his old head up her dress.

"Goodness me! Goodness me! Goodness gracious!"
Her Majesty shouted and bawled.
The consumption of poor Queen Victoria
Was a source of amusement to all.

And the monster himself was contented,
As he cut a new notch on his nest.
"As many a fat hag I've devoured
But that old bag was the best."


Source: Ethnic and Cultural Diversity class

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